OMG I am so bored. Yesterday was my due date and this waiting is getting real old! I had a high blood pressure scare a week and a half ago, but fortunately that passed and things are back to normal. My midwife threatened to induce me if it didn't get lower, so I started napping in the afternoons and avoiding as much conflict as I could and it worked! Now I'll only get induced if I'm still pregnant next week, and I sure hope it doesn't come to that!

Last night Mr. Spouse and I went out for spicy Thai food hoping that would move things along. I felt a lot of activity until I had some rice pudding with condensed milk to cool things off! I brought home some more hot spicy, so maybe I'll try again at lunch today.

My midwife told me to try a few capsules of evening primrose oil in an Instead cup every night, and lots and lots of sex to help push things along. I never thought sex would be such a chore, but it has been. What a drag.

So. Tired.

I cannot sleep anymore. I had a nice long stretch where I was sleeping very well, but that's been over for about a week and a half. If I sleep on my left side my hip hurts. If I sleep on my right side my shoulder hurts. If I sleep on my back I crush my organs and stop blood flow to my legs.

This morning I woke up and my edema from yesterday had not subsided. I woke up every two hours to pee and change position, which wakes me up sufficiently to keep me from falling back asleep for a while. Last night I had a nice two hour nap where I slept so soundly that I didn't hear the phone ring twice, even though it was merely three feet from my head. Of course I woke up and couldn't move my arm.

I'd go sit in the hot tub but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep.

40 weeks

Weeks 12-40

Mr. Spouse and I went to the midwife today and it was just thrilling. I was really happy because we actually got to see one of the midwives that's been there since I started going in December or whenever it was, so I felt like I was getting better care. The last two midwives I've seen were not altogether sure of the procedures of the office, and now is not really the time for me to be seeing inexperienced midwives, as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, they're experienced as midwives, just not experienced with this office!

She said my son has a bony butt and I have a lot of amniotic fluid. No one has told me that before, but I guess I already knew it since that bony butt is constantly pushing itself into my ribcage and my belly is absolutely HUGE and taught! I don't pee much anymore it seems, it all goes to my womb, bloated feet, ankles, calves, and hands. The only time my boating isn't horrid is when I'm dehydrated!

Did I mention I'm anxious to give birth and meet this boy growing inside me?

The midwife told me that I'm still not dilated at all but my cervix has started effacing. She said it was about 2 cm thick, as opposed to a normal 3. I'm just glad that something has started! I just read somewhere that in first time mothers it's normal for effacement to start before dilation so I guess things are going normally. Braxton Hicks contractions have slowed down a lot today, regardless of the fact that we've had sex three times. The midwife suggested I try evening primrose oil in an instead cup overnight to help with the dilation, in addition to making lots of bunnies. Hopefully that will work. I tell ya, sex is a lot of hard work right now...

She also gave me the number for an acupuncturist, so I'll probably make an appointment for next week and cancel it if things start moving along on their own beforehand. I'm trying really hard not to get cranky, but it's really hard.

Whine...

I have to go to a big dinner for my husband's work tonight. I am so tired of people talking to the pregnant lady I can't even begin to tell you. Why is it that every awkward person on the planet comes over to talk to the pregnant lady?

Yesterday I was at the thrift store and these three ladies were like, "OMG WHEN ARE YOU DUE? LIKE YESTERDAY?!" Then they held me up for five minutes asking me how much weight I gained, if it's a boy or girl (they didn't even let me answer that, they guessed it for me), told me how much they gained, expressed envy and confessed they could only have one, on and on and on...

I try to be nice to these people, after all, being pregnant totally rocks and I love it even though I complain a lot. I totally understand why they want to talk to me and reminisce about their own pregnancies and share their experience. They think they're being helpful when they offer their advice and stories, and they get to think about how much fun (or not) they had with their own prenatal experiences.

Sure, it's invasive of people to corner me for their own memory fest and I resent it. However, I realize I'm just a foil for a lot of them and that's no reason to be mean, which would only stress me out more. It's just that all this attention makes me feel pretty antisocial. I miss being anonymous.

I would really like to take a nice warm bath right now, but I know if I did I'd fall asleep in the tub. I did that when we were in Milan in April. It was great being able to take naps in the afternoon while we were there, but now I just can't seem to relax enough to nap. Something about being at home where there's so much to do makes it super hard to get any naptime in!

But napping in a full bathtub, scary!

Procrastination, or denial?

I still haven't packed my hospital bag or written my birth plan. I just don't know where to begin with either of these things! I feel like when I pack my bag I won't know what to put in it anyway, so why bother? And the birth plan is simple: bring me a healthy baby, let my mom catch the baby and let my husband cut the cord.

Then there are some lesser things I'd like to go by, like as little intervention as possible.

I have 15 days until my due date.

Love!

Oh boy, nothing says love like hours of a tiny butt in the ribcage!

Time

Time is really getting away from me nowadays. Today I am officially at thirty-eight weeks!

Yesterday I bought a couple nursing bras. Nordstrom didn't even carry my size, which is a first! My whole life I've turned to Nordstrom for my breast support needs, and I feel bereft (and freakish) that they can't help me now. I'm a 36G, and they don't even carry that size in nursing bras. I ended up finding a sleeping bra and a daytime nursing bra at Birth and Beyond, but wouldn't you know, the sleeping bra isn't supportive enough and the underwires in the other one poke me in the armpit, causing pain.

I wore the daytime bra while trying my new breast pump this morning, which was a lovely gift from my last shower! It makes a beeping sound that the dog gets very anxious about...I'm sure it will be charming when it comes time to actually use the pump for real. So I was sitting there in my chair trying to have a serene breast pumping moment while my dog ran around the room in circles whining. Charming.

I've got quite a few recent changes that I'm both stoked and dismayed by, and I think they're mostly because the baby has dropped. I'm having trouble sleeping at night now because I constantly need to get up to pee, my stretch marks are in alarming vivid color as of yesterday, the edema in my ankles seems to have gone down a bit, and I can actually walk around as long as the baby's not settled on my bladder, making me need to pee. In the morning I wake up and he's usually crosswise in my uterus, which is quite uncomfortable but he generally moves back to head down position after I'm vertical for a bit. He moves around so much that I'm a little concerned he's getting the umbilical cord all tangled around him!

As for the millions of house projects we've got going on around here, the contractor has completely fucked up our kitchen floors and I'm hoping he won't try coming to the house again. He likes to show up unannounced. I don't think he's used to working INSIDE people's homes. Of course now we have lots more little projects, like finishing painting in the Man Room, and we need to paint the new cabinet in the kitchen as well. We had some new windows installed this week so now we need to get someone to come over and paint them and the new trim as well. They did a nice job!

And we still haven't found anyone to take care of the rotten wall in the nursery, so we can't paint the room yet. sigh...

Every day for the last week I've sat exhausted in front of the computer, feeling guilty for not working on the house more. There's still just so much to do, and now my mom is here and she says she'll take care of the rest of the painting, but I feel guilty putting my mom to work!! I need to learn to accept help when it's offered, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon.

Daily Affirmation

I've been bitching an awful lot about all of the hellish side effects of this pregnancy, and just last night my sister-in-law was saying that I've had pretty much all of the bad ones you read about. That got me thinking...

I still think I've been pretty lucky.

Sure, I've got some bad physical side effects from this pregnancy, but all in all, I think I've come through the process really well. I don't have any serious complications. No high blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, the baby isn't breech (although he's moving around a lot so I'm not holding my breath!), I'm not super moody, I still have a high energy level, I sleep like the dead (for an hour at a time), and most important, I have the support and encouragement of my friends, family and my extraordinary husband. Not to mention the fact that according to others this pregnancy is making me glow, which doesn't happen with every pregnancy.

So I can bitch about my vanity and how scarred for life I am by this process, but overall I am thrilled to bits that this pregnancy is going as smoothly as it is.

Full Term!

I made the grand error of writing my dad an email saying that I would be considered full term this week, without any explanation. A few days later I got a panicked email from my mom (cc'd to my brother, sister-in-law, and husband) saying she's changing all her plans next week so that she'll be available for the birth. My sister-in-law even canceled her plans to visit her grandmother in Spokane because my mom said she wouldn't be available to watch my nephew Zachary!

I am such an ass.

I will be 37 weeks this week. According to my pregnancy book, that is considered full term. So is 42 weeks. I explained to my mom in a hastily written email that "full term" just means that if the baby is born after this point that he won't be considered premature. This doesn't mean that he's early, in fact I bet he's going take after his mother and stay in there as long as possible just to be obtuse.

I don't think I was late, but I sure was obtuse!

Poor Mom, I got her all excited for no reason. She said she's been jumping around the house all distracted. I feel like such a heel!

Not. Happy.

I had to wake up far too early today, and my fingers are numb. This damn bloating has given me a terrible case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

The good news is that a week from now I will be considered full term. I can hardly believe it. There's still so much I need to do, like we need to find someone to paint the house and fix the soft spot in the wall of the nursery!

I hope to god I don't go past my due date, I just don't think I could handle it. I barely slept last night because I just couldn't get comfortable, then I had to let the contractors in at nine this morning. Sure, that doesn't seem early to most, but I'm sleeping eleven hours these days, I am just beat.

I have stretch marks above my belly button now, and my hemorrhoids haven't gotten any better either.

bitchy.

I haven't posted here in a while because being the eternal optimist, it's hard for me to write about stuff when I'm not all happy all the time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to almost be a mother and I'm still really excited to be pregnant, but this third trimester is KICKING MY ASS!!

This morning I decided I needed to spend some quality time in bed relaxing since I didn't sleep more than two hours at a stretch before getting up to pee last night. I stayed in bed until 1pm, when my back hurt so much from laying down that I had to get up. In the meantime, I forgot that I had lunch plans with my friend, so we rescheduled for coffee later this afternoon.

I have hemorrhoids worse than I ever thought possible. Good thing I like prunes so much. I also noticed some brand spankin' new stretch marks that weren't there yesterday, so that's pretty exciting!

I picked off three skin tags last night. It's so weird that I've never had a skin tag until I got pregnant and now I have a ton. Good thing they're so easy to remove!

Good thing feeling the baby move inside me is so delightful. He's getting so strong that sometimes he kicks hard enough to make me yell. I think he changed positions yesterday too.

I'm cutting down on my social engagements, which is fantastic. I've been having a hard time remembering them, then I do too much and get exhausted, but then at night I'm too hyper to fall asleep, and I can't sleep more than two hours at a time anyway. It's like I sleep better during the day when I'm dehydrated or something!!

I'm still seeing Marie from http://girlfag.blogspot.com/ every Friday afternoon. She calls me her muse! I've always wanted to be someone's muse! You can see some of her paintings, photos and sketches of me in her blog. I'm quite flattered that I'm such an inspiration for her, and I'm enamored with more than a couple pieces she's done of me!

Ok, I need to get my act together, it's almost 2:30 and I need to meet my friend for coffee!

movement

The baby has moved. Last week when I was at the midwife's office she confirmed that he was all in place, head down, back to my left and arms and legs kicking to my right. However, I could feel over the last two days that he's moved. Now I feel movement from the top to the bottom of my uterus, left to right. It's like somehow he's moving his hands and feet in all quadrants of my uterus! I can't even tell where his head is anymore.

It's quite unnerving.

Tomorrow the hot tub guy comes to fix the damn thing again. I forgot to empty the water out of it until 9:30 tonight, so we had to do that and it's still draining three hours later! Tomorrow morning I have to get up and fill the fucker up again so it's ready when he gets here at 10. It will be lovely having it up and running again. I'm setting that thing at 98 degrees and making good use of it until my water breaks!!

Holy cow! It's been six days since my last post!!

Here's a picture that Marie over at girlfag@blogspot.com took last Friday:


I'm feeling euphoric despite the edema, heartburn, acid reflux, gas, spider veins, back pain, hip pain, carpal tunnel syndrome, constipation, constant hunger, weight gain, massive thirst, and stretch marks! Really!

I am disappointed about the stretch marks. I was really hoping I'd avoid that part, but every time our son squirms in my belly it makes all the little annoyances worthwhile!

I took this day before yesterday, fist thing upon getting out of bed so the swelling in my ankles and feet wouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately that means the swelling in my face is worse!!

My third trimester is bringing all sorts of fun along with it. For instance, this morning I woke up at 7:30 but then at 9 decided to lay back down again because I was so tired. The dog's cries woke me up at 9:45 and I finally crawled out of bed at 10. Now it's 10:40 and I'm about ready to do a face plant into my keyboard. At least now I'm sleeping through the night.

I haven't seen my crotch in weeks. I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror a while ago and brought out the body trimmer to tame the forest, but I haven't the slightest idea if it looks any better. When I showed it to Mr. Spouse he promised me he'd fix it, so I must not have done a very good job! I have two nude photoshoots this weekend so I hope he can get to it by then.

I have pregnancy related carpal tunnel syndrome, I think. My fingers are so swollen that I couldn't get my wedding ring off for a long time. I finally got it off one night after a glass of wine numbed my pain receptors a little bit, but I have a permanent mark on my finger now. I can still wear it on my pinky though, so that's what I've been doing but it feels weird.

I've been trying to catch up on my list of phone calls that need to be made and so far I've confirmed the guy who's building our DVD shelves in the basement, doing the new sinks in the master bathroom and the new cabinet in the kitchen, called Wolfsburg to check up on my Volkswagen Fastback (they just started trying to figure out what parts are missing from the body shop yesterday), called and confirmed the roof and gutter guys, made an appointment with the hot tub guy, and somehow managed to stay in touch with a couple of my friends.

I'm exhausted. Now I gotta go drain and refill the hot tub before the hot tub guy gets here next week.

SO TIRED

Oh my hell, I am so tired I could pass out right here in my chair in front of the computer.

With all my bloating, tiredness, and now numb fingers, I've been worried that I might have preeclampsia, but after reading my handy-dandy Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy book I think I really just have some carpal tunnel syndrome, brought on by the swelling in my wrists and hands. My fingers are so swollen that I can't get my wedding band off anymore, which is bad because I'm sure that's going to be a problem pretty soon!!

I'm also pretty cranky because I can no longer garden. Leaning over to get my fingers in the dirt hurts my knees and my belly gets in the way, then when I grab a weed to pull it up I get a pinching sensation from my wrist all down my hand. Gardening is one of my relaxing activities and it's also a great work out for me, so the fact that I can't do it anymore is really disappointing, especially considering there is a giant fern frond sticking out of the top of one of my azaleas that's driving me crazy!

Tonight Mr. Spouse and I are celebrating our one year and nine month wedding anniversary. It was actually yesterday but we had our birthing class until late so we're celebrating tonight instead. We're going to Il Terrazzo Carmine! I'm so excited! Then afterwards we're going to the Zig Zag to see my favorite bartender and challenge him to make me a tasty non-alcoholic and non-carbonated grown up beverage! I haven't seen him since October and I miss him. I bet he suspects why we haven't been in though.

Cloth diapers

My husband and I signed up for a diaper service but I'm still looking into all the newgfangled cloth diapers on the market for ease of travel and honestly, because I keep finding super cute fabric at the fabric store. I don't get all the cloth diaper lingo and all the different types of convenient waste management options for babies these days.

This isn't my mother's diapering world anymore! I feel like I need a book for a guideline!

So I have a bunch of super cute flannel for making diapers. Then I saw some super cute polyurethane coated fabric for covers, but why would any mother want that crap next to her child's skin? And whatever happened to those good old fashioned diapers with the pins? I totally see why so many parents resort to disposables! There are just too many options out there for cloth diapers!!

Crap. I think I need to buy a home serger so I can do those cute skinny serged edges on everything.

My pregnant friend sent this to me this morning. It's good to make light of the situation!!

Five things you never thought you'd say
• "Let me just finish this can of frosting."
• "Would you mind tying my shoes?"
• "Does my stomach look too small to you?"
• "Can you please massage my perineum again?"
• "Help, I can't get out of bed."

Uncomfortable but in good spirits

Overall I think this pregnancy has been going very well. I'm certainly not comfortable these days, but things could be a lot worse, especially considering I got rear-ended last week. My pregnant friend and I were on our way to lunch and this woman in a BMW SUV rear ended us. I think she probably wet her pants when she saw not one but TWO third trimester ladies get out of the car. That poor lady was a wreck, just like my adored yella Jetta.

Fortunately my friend and I are just stiff and our babies seem to be just fine, but the lady who hit us had just sent her son to Iraq the day before. She phoned the night of the accident to check up on me and confessed that she probably shouldn't have been driving that day. It kind of hurts me to think about how she must be feeling because since I'm having a boy, I might one day be in the same situation as her. I support our boys in uniform and all, but I think this war is a pointless waste of lives, and I just wanted to give that poor lady a hug when she told me. I hope he'll be okay.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the accident, but my hips and knees are in bad shape these days! My softening ligaments are making everything I do a nuisance. It hurts to sit in front of the computer too long. It hurts to lay on my side too long. It hurts to walk. It hurts to weed the garden. It hurts to get out of the lounger in the yard!

Forget acid reflux and gas pain, my joints hurt way worse than my other ailments right now!

Mr. Spouse and I started doing perineal massage the other night and that's fairly uncomfortable. The other night when I woke up in the middle of the night with a seized up back he massaged it with my handy dandy um..."massager" for twenty minutes. Thank God I haven't had that pain again!!

I think I might take some more self portraits tomorrow, we'll see how the light looks. I'm tired of taking boring snapshots!

A full night's rest!!!

Last night I slept a full seven hours, uninterrupted! It's been weeks and weeks since I've been able to do that! And I'm even getting over a cold! I can hardly believe it, it's like a dream come true!

I blame our new purchase:


I had been reading about how humidifiers help with sleep but for some reason I put off getting one for too dang long. I've had a cold for the last five days, and I'd wake up in the morning blowing my nose so hard it would bleed. We finally went to Target and got this cute little guy and it made such a huge difference!

I didn't need to wake up to drink more water once all night, which translated to not having to get up to pee once all night! Maybe this third trimester won't be so bad after all!

Oh boy. I overdid it!

This morning I had my big prenatal diabetes test, so I didn't eat anything between midnight last night and my appointment today at 11:30. My midwife took a whole bunch of blood and we had a nice chat, then I stopped by the vitamin store where my friend works to get some echinacea, fish oil tablets, and vitamin C, then went over to my favorite little bakery for a snack.

I ordered a lemon cookie, a snickerdoodle, two chocolate checkerboard shortbread cookies, two regular shortbread cookies, a cardamom twist, two strawberry danish, and an apple danish. Oh, and a double short americano that I had with one of the strawberry danish.

On my way home I figured I would take my cute vintage toaster to the repairman, but I got distracted by Lucca Statuary on the way. See, I've been obsessed with these planters that I saw all over the place when we were in Italy a couple weeks ago and since the local garden store didn't have them I figured the "European Garden Ornament" store would certainly have them! Not only did they have them, but they were 40% off, so I got a pair that I plan on filling with cute little succulents. Now I just have to tear out our railing so there's room for them.

Sigh...

Of course after that I had to stop by the local garden center and get dirt so I could finish my project, and I ended up with a huge bag of compost and two small bags of rocks...and I couldn't get the compost in the trunk without emptying it of the cement urns and pedestals I just bought...

So I had to go home and empty the trunk, meaning I had to lug 100 pounds of cement up the stairs (in six trips!) which took a long time with lots of breaks, then after that it was nice and sunny and I got distracted weeding the rock garden for an hour. That would translate to one hour of climbing around a rock strewn slope scraping my knuckles on rocks...then I went back to the garden center to pick up my compost and realized that all I had eaten so far today was a danish and a cuppa coffee.

Upon arriving at home I let the dog out and got distracted again on my way to the car to get the sand and gravel for the urns, and instead spent two hours pulling more weeds on the side of the house by the rose bushes. Fortunately it seems right now is a good time to pull Jupiter's Beard, one of five enemies in my garden, the others being buttercups, horsetails, dandelions, and morning glory. Jupiter's Beard has big bulbous roots that cling tenaciously to the dirt and break off instead of relinquishing their ungodly grip on the earth, but it seems that right now the dirt is soft enough and the roots firm enough that it's possible to get a good portion of the damned roots out!

I've spent a lot of time in the garden since we got home from Europe, but unfortunately it's all been spent cutting stuff back and weeding, instead of planting the new arrivals that I can't seem to keep myself from buying. However, with each new purchase I'm finding I need to do some major piece of landscaping to make the garden make sense! Now I need to find someone to rearrange part of our rockery, and then we need to reconfigure the sprinkler system, adding a mechanism that can tell when it's rained recently so we don't water the yard in the rain.

Each new project is a whole new can of worms.

But I got away from myself. I spent three hours at war with nature, took six trips up our stairs with heavy concrete, and climbed all over a rock wall in the sunshine, all on an empty stomach and officially 29 weeks pregnant today. Much of this was done with the trunk of the car wide open for all the passers-by to admire, with my purse in plain view on the passenger seat. This is HIGHLY unlike me. I am super paranoid about my purse and hyper aware of its location at all times!

When I finally decided to call it quits today, I came inside and ate ALL the pastries I bought today, save one strawberry danish and one apple danish.

I really should finish the nursery before I go relandscaping the yard, for crying out loud. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I'm sure I'm quite a sight to all the neighbors, the pregnant lady climbing her rock wall tearing out weeds and throwing them all over the sidewalk!

To top it all off, tonight at 8 we're meeting some of Mr. Spouse's friends for dinner. My bedtime is 9:30 on days when I've eaten and rested properly, so I have no idea what kind of company I'll be tonight. At this stage of my pregnancy I am no longer sleeping through the night, and last night was certainly no exception.

food cravings

I am 28 weeks and one day in! I wish I could give birth right now. I'm tired of the water retention and constant gas.

In my monthly photos I noticed that I really have put on 35 pounds, and there it is...thighs, boobs, back. ARG! Time for some exercise!! So the other day Mr. Spouse and I joined a gym. They have a nice saline pool, a prenatal yoga class and they're open 24 hours so that should be great. I'll probably take advantage of their stationary bikes or stair steppers too.

Oh, and here's a picture from last week, this was at 27 weeks! We were in on eof my favorite towns in Piemonte, Italy. Canelli!

Just got back from Italy!

It was a great, but frustrating trip! I'm not supposed to eat cheese, cured meats or drink wine, and those three items are the pride and joy of the region I spent the most time in. It's SO unfair!

I found the dreamiest maternity top in the universe in Milan so I bought it in brown and gray. I would have bought 20 more of the same top had it come in 20 other colors!! I'm having a hard time finding shirts that cover my belly already, (and I have three months to go!) so I was thrilled that I found a shirt that will keep my belly from the elements, and it's stylish too!

We just got back last night and I've already been catching up on the stuff I should have been doing before we left. Today I've nailed down the upholsterer to see when our chairs will be done, called the mechanic to see when my car will be ready (it's been in the shop for ten months), called the Homeowner's Club to get someone to look at our roof and damp plaster on the south side of the house, set up an appointment for a walk-through with a maid service, signed up for birthing classes (and BARELY made the deadline!), and ordered our crib!

I think I need a nap already!

Also on the list this week is to bring home a piece of furniture from the shop to refinish for the nursery, refinish my great great grandmother's dresser, hang the roman shades, sign up for membership at the gym, and some other stuff I'm sure I'm missing.

I still need to figure out what I'm going to do for window treatments in the nursery, as well as wall and floor treatments. I also need to re-do the closet so our little fella will have places to hang his clothes that he'll be able to reach before he's a teenager.

Other than the nursery though, I think the house is nearly ready for him. Good thing too, because my energy level has plummeted! Something about not being able to sleep through the night, I bet.

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

Dance, little baby! DANCE!! He squirms around a lot when Mr. Spouse comes home from work in the evenings, and when we go to bed at night. I think he likes to hear his daddy's voice.

Also, I was just watching this video and he squirmed around a lot, I think because the speaker has a similar tone of voice. I think it's pretty super! GO BABY!

I can see my ankles!!

I went to the pool night before last, and this morning I woke up and I could SEE MY ANKLE BONES!!

I am so excited!!

I'm not much of a daytime rester, so GC put the little teevee in the living room so I can rest on the couch and watch a DVD in the afternoons. I'm pretty stoked about that! He's a good man and I love him a lot.

Torvald has been kicking and squirming around a lot lately, especially last night when I was laying on my stomach while Mr. Spouse rubbed my back. It was quite distracting!!

I have a million things to do today. We're leaving for Italy this month and there's so much I still need to do!!

almost 25 weeks update

Just got back from the midwife. I decided to can the "centering" program because I didn't feel like I was getting the one-on-one care I needed. It was great being in a room full of other expectant parents, but I always left with lots of unanswered questions.

So today the midwife told me I weigh what I should weigh at 40 weeks. There are a few reasons why...one of which is because of my water retention. To combat that she gave me a list of things to work on:
1. avoid carbonated drinks and high salt food
2. drink 2 liters of water per day (I drink way more than that!)
3. swim 3 times a week
4. rest on side for 2 hours every day

That last one is going to be hard. I am not a napper. If I could rest on my side while watching teevee I might be able to handle it, but I generally get all the sleep I need at night, and during the day I run around like a chicken with my head cut off. But hey, if it will help me avoid these damn spider veins from all this bloating, I'll do it!!

She also told me to keep a food diary for my amazing weight gain, and she wants me to start getting physical therapy for the pain in my side. She thinks it might be a muscular thing.

We're going to Italy this month, so that should be fun. I am not looking forward to the twelve hour flight to Heathrow's infamous Terminal 5. The good news is that we're flying business class, where the seats go completely horizontal! My midwife wants me to wear a pair of support panythose for the whole flight. I've been wearing support knee-his for the past week or more and I gotta say they don't make any difference with all this bloating.

My husband was out of town for a couple days last week, and while he was gone Quincy was very, very good. As soon as he got home the dog took a crap on the rug. I'm starting to think that Quincy's behavior problems have more to do with Mr. Spouse than our training. After the crapping incident, the dog quit obeying me and was running ahead of me throughout the house. I had to roll him over on his back and stand over him three times before I got him to mind. I also took him to the vet where I found out he has an ear infection, AND a skin infection! Rad! Now he's taking antibiotics for the skin infection, ear drops for the ear infection, plus fish oil supplements for his skin and coat and his regular monthly heartworm medicine. Crikey that is one expensive free dog!

Other than that, it's been a rather ordinary week or so, I'm thrilled to report. I still have alarming gas that makes me laugh really hard, which in turn hurts my side. I've been horny as all hell for weeks, and I just can't get off anymore. My cat is super and my husband is terrific. Life is good.

Second trimester triptych

Twelve weeks, Seventeen Weeks and Twenty-three Weeks

Quincy the Dog.

I found Quincy running around in the street almost a year ago. Since that time my husband and I have been trying our best to fit him into our lives, and now that I'm pregnant I'm having a really hard time keeping up with him.

He's a cocker spaniel and he's very loving, energetic, loves kids, gets along with our cat, and he needs a lot more attention than we've been able to give him. Poor Quincy. We've tried our very best, but clearly this is not the breed for us. If we had kids that were older he would fit in much better in our home, but especially now that I just want to nap all the time the poor dog has more pent up energy getting him into trouble around here than I can handle.

I just can't take it anymore.

For nearly a year now I've been trying to change our lives to fit his better but I realize now that it's just never going to happen, and once the baby is born it's only going to get worse. I'll be chasing the dog around the house picking up poo and cleaning up pee, trying to get baby toys out of his mouth, yelling at the dog to get off the furniture, when a simple daily walk would probably fix the problem. After a year of trying to make that daily walk a priority I am finally resigned to the truth, we're just not the right family for him.

I am slowly wrapping my brain around the possibility of life without him, and it's looking better and better, both for him and for us. It's very sad.

Dichotomies

I put up a profile on one of those myspace uncensored clone sites a couple months ago. I figured I'd need it since I was getting so damn horny already, and boy has it ever delivered!

I'm feeling very sexy since so many people seem to want to fuck me and lick my pussy now that I'm pregnant, but every now and then I just feel like deflating that ego balloon and telling it like it is!

So here goes!

" god damn!!! pregnant chicks are so fucken hot!!!! i want to lick your whole body!!!"

Nice spelling and grammar deficiency, dude. I really wonder if this guy has any idea just how hot I am. This morning my husband and I were getting all hot and heavy with the kissing and the stroking and the sweet nothings in the ear, and I FARTED SO LOUD, and it was SO STINKY that he JUMPED RIGHT OUT OF BED!

Hot, I tell ya!

"thats so sexy look at them tits"

Did you know that they are constantly peeling because they're growing so fast? They're itchy too, and when I scratch them the scratch marks stay for about an hour! But don't touch them or I'll rip your head off. They are very tender! And honestly, I don't think my boobs have passed for tits since I was about sixteen years old.

"theres nothing most beautiful that a pregnant woman,"

I wonder if he was typing with one hand there. I love that there are pregnancy fetishists out there to validate my bizarre skewed self image. I feel super sexy, but everything that makes me feel sexy right now is stuff I would have been very turned off by before I was pregnant.

My ankles are so swollen they're cool to the touch and they feel like they're full of water.
The skin on my face is red and blotchy.
My nipples are huge and dark.
My pussy is engorged, enlarged, and it has a very strong odor.
I have new spider veins on my feet.
I can pop my belly button out.
I burp and fart unapologetically.
I'm lazy.
I can't bend over and tie my own shoes.
Oh, and need I mention that I am HUGE.

So in case there were any folks out there reading this blog who thought I was hot, I'm glad to banish those thoughts from your mind for you. Maybe next time I see you you'll look at my face instead of my enormous boobs!

Now if you don't mind I'm going to go toot and tend to my hemorrhoids.

Twenty-three weeks!

Our little son is doing somersaults in my womb right now. Perhaps he's excited about the self-portraits I took today.

Here's one:


I can't believe I'm just over halfway through the pregnancy and I'm so big already! I guess my ex-boyfriend is right, I AM going to be huge!!

It's true, I'm pregnant.

So the fun times are definitely over. I've got a pain just below my ribcage on the left side that's been steadily getting worse for two months. I have cut out dairy to help with the gas, and it makes a huge difference with the gas but this pain is something else. I went to see my quack primary care doctor and he thinks it's heartburn and I think he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. This is the same guy that refused to refer me to my eye doctor when I ended up having a corneal ulcer. The OTC medicine he told me to get put a hole in my cornea within 24 hours. That was rad.

But anyway, I could go on and on about how he needs to go back to school or take a give-a-fuck pill but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm pregnant and in a pretty good amount of pain!

My folks' visit has been pretty good! I told them we're naming our son Torvald so that when they find out the real name they'll like it better. Mom says if we name him Torvald she's calling him something else. I've been madly running around the house fixing stuff and moving stuff downstairs for storage. I'm hoping to start painting the baby furniture soon, I just need to get the mens to move the dressers around for me!

This constant pain business is making me real cranky. I hate feeling like this!

Twenty-two weeks pregnant

My folks are coming to stay with us for a couple weeks starting tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about it, but I am also really looking forward to it. Mom said she wanted to help me prepare the nursery, but of course I've barely started moving stuff out of it, and now I see that there's some water damage under one of the windows that needs repairing before we can paint in there. Super!

Kevin is coming over tonight to do a shoot. I was hoping to do it next week but since my folks will be here we had to move it up a few days. I'm madly trying to clean the house, get rid of incriminating evidence of my nefarious activities, turn the mother-in-law unit back into a livable space after it being storage for months, and prepare for a shoot. Oh, and I worked a half day today!

I'm doing a big purge on my vintage clothes too, so that's been painful. There's a 1940's cream gabardine suit that I've had for years and I'm finally going to sell it. It seems a shame to part with some of this stuff at the vintage stores around here since they don't pay a whole lot, but I know that if I keep telling myself I'm going to sell it on Ebay I'll hang onto it for four more years! I've also decided to get rid of my white Fluevog boots that I've had for less than a year. They're a half size too small, dangit!

Yesterday I took six boxes of stuff to Goodwill (and only came home with a bagful!), and I'll be bringing home a small dresser, and a small bookcase to refinish for the nursery, and then refinishing my black dresser for the nursery too.

Okay, I have to get ready to have my picture taken!

The Land of Suburbia

Mr. Spouse and I made a pilgrimage to the Bellevue Square mall today because I wanted to investigate the maternity clothing options there. It was horrifying.

The maternity store I was looking for was no longer in business, and traffic around that mall is the stuff of nightmares, so after spending too much precious time of our remaining lives putting a few extra miles on the car we ended up at Bellevue Square.

The mall was an unholy terror. I found Babystyle, which had a nice line of Italian maternity clothes that were quite stylish (yet bland colored) with agonizing prices. A cotton jersey dress, black, dry clean only, $300! Yikes!! I think I tried on every piece by that brand, but mercifully none of them were big enough in the chest for me so they got to keep them all.

I had to go up two sizes in all the shirts I tried on, which was not comforting, but hey, I have shirts that fit now, a dress, a skirt, and two pairs of pants!! My maternity jeans no longer fit so I picked up a pair by Citizens of Humanity. I'm still surprised that I spent so much money on a pair of maternity pants, but I am seriously desperate for clothes that make me look good.

If I could get back all the time I've spent looking for fashionable maternity clothes and put it into making stuff for myself, I'd be the most stylish person in Seattle! Perhaps after I finish my current costume gig I can invest some time in my wardrobe, and I might be able to make some stuff for my pregnant friends while I'm at it.

At the checkout line were hordes of skinny frosted haired blonde clones clearly buying presents for friends' showers. It was so odd to see them! Even in downtown Seattle malls I just don't see women like that! You know the long legged, jean-clad, straight haired, striped hair and too much makeup masses that frequent all the trendy bars...you can catch them reeling around the streets of Belltown in the middle of winter without a coat. Thank god I'm not like them. Watching them today was like being too close to the bars at the zoo, especially now that I live in a completely different world than them. They pushed into me in line yet managed to somehow not acknowledge me in any way.

Which makes me think about all the really cool women I've gotten to know a little better during this pregnancy. It's amazing how many women have offered up their pregnancy stories to me. The more I show, the more friends and acquaintances of mine come forward and tell me their birth stories, or stories about how much they loved being pregnant. I've met very few women who had a completely horrible time with their pregnancy but even the ones that did have good things to say about it. It's a special time for a woman. It's like someone put a cover on the platter of life, everything is a little quieter, a little slower, and a little brighter. This is the most precious time of my life and even though I am uncomfortable and moody as hell, I am having a great time.

In other news, Mr. Spouse felt our son moving for the first time today!

gas

I am in pain. Pretty much constant, biting, relentless pain. At first I thought I had a rib out of place, then I didn't know what it was, then I was convinced it was an organ getting squished by my expanding uterus, and finally I realize that it's nothing but gas. Of course I only figured this all out a few days ago, so I'm going through the long process of figuring out exactly what is causing me such bloating and pain!

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that gas pain could be so intense. I can't eat out at a nice restaurant without hoping against all hope that the waiter will arrive with the check so we can leave. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Watching teevee hurts. This sucks ass!

It's really super because once I can manage to get a toot out I'm overjoyed that it's relieving some of the pressure building up in my stomach. However, I've had a couple of occasions at work where I'll be minding my own business and let out a loud toot that startles me so much that I actually jump! Then I giggle at myself. I've never been shy about talking about humorous bodily functions like farting, but this is so bad it's like a completely different animal. I look far more pregnant than I am and it's all gas. I even tell people when they mention how pregnant I look, "Oh, it's mostly gas!!"

I'm real popular these days I tell ya. I'm just barely over the halfway point, dammit.

Damn bloating!

My ankles have exploded and my boobs have sagged. The glory days of pregnancy are over! To top it all off, it appears that no one got a full length picture of me in my catsuit at SEAF last weekend.

I'm kinda cranky this week. I'm fighting off a cold, my job is not challenging, and I still can't find a comfortable bra.

It's been a pretty awesome day despite the fact that I've hardly moved from this spot all day!

I managed to update my blog here on the events of the past three weeks, which was daunting.
I registered for baby gifts at Amazon.com and Target.com and managed to find stuff that wasn't all pastel!
I picked up some awesome art at SEAF, and was presented with a totally rad gift basket full of relaxing goodies!
Jumped on Mr. Spouse
Saw some pictures from last night's event
Got dressed!

Not in that order, mind you, but very nearly.

And I can't tell you how badly I want this table for our son. He won't need it for a while, but I want it real bad!

The last three weeks

Feb 9-17 vacation in Cabo San Lucas
Feb 18 photoshoot with friend Patrick
Feb 19 midwife appointment, photoshoot with friend Kevin
Feb 20 photoshoot with new friend Keith
Feb 21 find out baby might have Down Syndrome, spent time with family
Feb 25 start work at theater
Feb 26 ultrasound
Feb 27 year and a half anniversary
Feb 28 genetic counseling
Feb 29 work on maternity catsuit
Mar 1 work on maternity catsuit, Seattle Erotic Art Festival Gala

We spent a week in Cabo San Lucas a few weeks ago...I guess the proper term for this kind of trip is "Babymoon!" It was fabulous! I was horizontal pretty much the whole time, either lounging by the pool, laying in bed watching teevee, or sleeping (n stuff)! It was fantastic. We hardly even left the hotel, except to try to find some good tequila and mezcal to bring home for after the baby arrives.

Our hotel was the epitome of luxury, a spa/hotel, and from our deck we could see gray whales breeching in the ocean. We saw a little hummingbird that even let us peer closely at it while it sat calmly on a branch, and of course I took a bunch of self portraits. We made use of the spa facilities and had a couples massage, and I believe it was the most relaxing massage I've ever had in my life. They had a pad for the table so my belly could poke through! Genius, I tell ya!

When we got back I had a midwife appointment, which went smoothly until two days later when they called to tell me that my blood test came back at a high risk for Down Syndrome. That was a super busy day for me but I managed to do some heavy retail therapy regardless. We spent the weekend on the verge of tears, especially when my family seemed to think I should terminate the pregnancy if it indeed had Down Syndrome.

There's something a mother should never have to think about. I have been wanting a child my whole life. I've been actively pursuing baby making for eight years. Now that I'm finally pregnant, I feel great and my husband couldn't possibly be more perfect, the last thing I want to do is terminate. Just a few months after I give birth to this child I'll be turning 35, thereby flipping the switch into "HIGH RISK PREGNANCY" territory (don't even get me started on that 35=high risk pregnancy shit, it seems to only mean a higher chance that the mom will "need" amniocentesis according to doctors).

So anyway. I thought about all those issues far too much in the last week, which is why I haven't made a post. I didn't want to worry the folks I care about if they happened to come upon a post where I was tearfully laying my soul on the line.

On top of all that, I had three photoshoots that week! One Monday, one Tuesday, and one Wednesday. Not bad considering we just got back from Mexico Sunday night!

Then I started a full time temporary job at one of the theaters I often work at, and had to tell my boss I had a thousand doctor appointments. I wasn't sure how I'd manage a forty hour work week after sitting on my tuckus for months, pregnant, but it's been fun and they gave me the comfiest chair in the joint, which makes a huge difference.

By the time we finally had our ultrasound I was so nervous I hardly got excited when we found out it was a boy. Our technician had the best poker face I've ever seen so I couldn't tell if everything looked normal or not, and at the end she had another technician come in and make sure she didn't miss any shots for the Down Syndrome screening. He was much more readable, particularly when he said everything looked normal!

That night was still difficult, but by the next morning I was sure everything was fine. Thursday we had our genetic counseling appointment and the counselor told us that the midwife office had misspelled my name on the first round of blood tests so when the second round came back they weren't linked together. My hormone levels were higher at the second test, which is normal according to the first results, but without those it looked like I had a 1 in 65 chance of Down Syndrome, instead of the actual 1 in 2500 chance that both tests combined showed.

My indignant support group were all up in arms at first at the news, but despite this major fuckup on the part of my midwife office, I'm confident that they will deliver us a healthy baby boy with the least amount of physical trauma to myself, which is not a feeling I got from my previous doctor. So no, I will not be switching midwives.

So thank god that's all past us, we're back to staring lustily into each other's eyes and rubbing my tummy! We're even referring to the baby by the name we picked out for him. Who knows if it will end up on his birth certificate because when we see him it will determine his name for sure!

In the meantime, life marches forward, and I managed to whip myself up a maternity catsuit between the time I got off work on Friday and eight pm on Saturday when the SEAF gala started, but just barely! I looked and felt awesome, and I'll post some pictures as soon as I get them!

Shit, I need a nap after this hellish three weeks!

Gender

It's a BOY!

Trip to Cabo San Lucas!

Last week we were in Cabo San Lucas where I took some self portraits. I was seventeen weeks pregnant in this photo, which was taken at dawn in case you're wondering about the weird lighting!

Cabo was great. We only managed to get away from our resort one day, opting to lounge around the pool drinking cocktails instead! Well, in my case they were virgin cocktails, but they were just as festive as the real thing I assure you!

Our trip included a couples massage, lots of teevee watching, card playing, eating, lounging by the pool in the late afternoon sunshine, watching gray whales mate just off the beach, and having sex. The only irritations we experienced were the trip from the airport to the hotel, the hotel pushing a suspicious breakfast on us as soon as we checked in (I assumed they were trying to sell us a time share), doing it again after breakfast one day, and the airport on the way back. We bought a couple hot dogs there and Mr. Spouse got really sick from his, but I made the cook cook mine until it was black.

Other than that, I took some self portraits that aren't too bad for a first attempt, and we just relaxed for a week. Oh! And I gained five pounds! WHEE!

Since we got home I've has three photoshoots and I swear I look a lot further along than I did a week ago!!

The ouch.

We're taking a trip to Cabo San Lucas soon and I have this horrible pain in my side. It feels like I have a rib out of place but I've been to the chiropractor a few times about it already and it hasn't helped. The longer I sit the worse it feels!

And with this in mind, the thought of a four hour plane trip is daunting, to say the least. Fortunately I will be taking my new best friend along, here's a picture:

I can no longer sit on the couch for more than an hour.

I finally managed to put on some weight! I have no idea how much I've gained since I've never been a big fan of stepping on the scale. I remember in mid November, a few days before finding out I was pregnant I went shopping and was rather astounded that I was such a bigger size than I remembered, and I stepped on the scale that night. Then over the next two months I lost some weight, and now I'm finally sure I've put on weight. I've never been as heavy as I am right now!

In fact, I remember as a child my mom flipping out about being fat and I told her that no one is fat until they're over one hundred and fifty pounds, which is exactly where I am right now. I remember being surprised when my mom wasn't comforted by my sage words, however. Sad. I think I was about seven years old. My failure at comforting my mom forever engraved that interaction on my mind and one fifty has been my "DO NOT CROSS" line ever since.

I hope I'm never that neurotic about my weight.

Anyway, I have a pain in my ribcage that makes it painful for me to slouch at all, so sitting in a car for nine hours today, combined with watching teevee for another three on the super uncomfortable laZ boy couch we have just about killed me dead today. I finally had to move to the bean bag and it was much more comfortable. I don't think I'm going to try sitting on the couch for prolonged periods again. I figure I'll be huge and suffering from unwanted aches and pains soon enough, thanks!

We went to a kinky party last night and ran into some folks I haven't seen in a while. I wore some tight shiny black pants I made for my business a while ago, and my "husband beater" tank top with no bra. I felt sexy and round in all the right places! I didn't actually beat anyone, however, we had to get up early this morning so we could look at property on the coast. Not a promising trip but we had fun looking around. I like small towns.

I don't think I've stressed enough that I feel SUPER SEXY being pregnant. It helps that my husband actually has to wipe the drool off his chin when I'm getting ready for bed at night, and he's constantly telling me that he has never seen more fantastic boobs than mine, ever! I just want to get it on all the time these days! Sometimes I just sit and stare at myself in the mirror, admiring my changing body. I look damn good, disappearing waistline and all!

This pregnancy is good for me!

Shower!

Today I spent the afternoon hanging out with my sister-in-law and nephew. We went to Babies-R-Us and she gave me the grand tour of stuff she found useful, and helped me figure out some good stuff to look for in a stroller. I got to handle the travel system I really liked, only to find out that the car seat that goes with it, while cute, its seventeen pounds as opposed to the seven or eight pounds that most other car seats are. I think I may go ahead and get the stroller that goes with it because it comes in orange polka dots and it's super light. I don't want to waste a lot of energy heaving heavy strollers out of my trunk, thx.

Could you imagine a seventeen pound car seat? It holds babies up to thirty pounds! Um, no thanks!

So when I told my mom that I was pregnant, oh so many months ago, she said she hasn't been to a shower in a really long time and it was really too bad that she wouldn't be here when I have mine. Well I've been thinking about it a lot, and while my sister-in law and I were having lunch she offered to throw me a shower and I got all excited because we can have a really early one so my mom can come! I'm so excited!

Problem is, she'll be here end of March. That's awfully soon, and that means I have to come up with the list of folks to invite. I hate doing stuff like this, I always worry I'll forget something! It also means I can't put off registering any longer. I want to register on Amazon.com but I find the UI so confusing there that I just hate shopping there! I suppose I'll get over it.

Of course my other friend has offered to throw me another shower in May, so that should be super great as well. My cup runneth over! I'm so lucky!

gender

If I don't find out the gender of this baby soon, I am afraid my friends and family are going to riot.

Here's the reasoning:

I want to wait to register for stuff until I know the gender.

I don't even want to start thinking about the showers until I register.

I'm starting to feel the pressure!

The good news is I'm almost 100% sure that I've found the stroller of our dreams!

The Abyss of Talking Smack

A tiny smidgen of conversation between my mom and I today really got me thinking about how fragile good moods really are. I've had to tell people before not to talk to me about certain people because it doesn't do much for morale.

For instance, I was working a stint in the costume shop, and my draper was the boss of our team, then there was the first hand, then two stitchers, of which I was one. My draper and I were close friends and have been for a long time, but she didn't like her first hand and talked smack about her every chance she got. It was a hard show we were working on, and attitudes were lagging anyway, so I eventually had to point out to my boss that I didn't want to hear about her first hand anymore because it didn't do anything to improve morale on our team.

It's easy to forget how gossip and griping about people saps the energy out of a room, regardless of who it is you're talking smack about. You could be on the bus, complaining to your friend about politics or some famous person neither of you will ever actually talk to, and it wears away on the good moods around you. It darkens the sky above people and spreads crappy feelings everywhere.

So I try as hard as I can not to get too sucked into negativity. The more I talk about how much someone drives me crazy, the more it plunges me into a crevasse, and the longer I let it continue the deeper I get and the harder it is to pull myself out of it.

My mother, on the other hand! I wonder if she's ever noticed this pattern. She can talk smack about someone she swears she loves, and she'll go on and on and on until I stop her, never even noticing how she's spoiling moods around her. So today she was talking smack about a new mother friend of ours, and I finally told her, "Gee, I hope you're not that critical of me when I'm a mom!"

To which she retorted, "Better watch it!"

Yikes! Now I know that my mom is going to be critiquing my parenting methods to her friends and family. Good thing I have some time to get used to the idea.

Baby stuff to buy.

For some reason I am much more relaxed about the prospect of buying property than I am about registering for baby stuff. I have no idea what kind of crap we're going to need for the nursery. I think I know what I want the motif to be, but I haven't talked it over with my husband yet. My good friend Leslie thinks we should do a zoo theme, which would suit Mr. Spouse just awesome, but I like clowns. So maybe a circus theme, then there can be animals too!

All primary colors. Of course if I choose all primary colors it will be impossible to find baby stuff in bright colors, so we'll see what I can find out there. I haven't the slightest idea where to look for baby stuff. Or who knows, maybe primary colors make for crazy sociopaths or something. Perhaps I should do a little more research into the psychology of colors.

Or maybe I'm just being totally neurotic about all of this. I don't know what to do!!

We need a crib and a mattress, and a diaper service, and some clothes. There! All set!

vintage maternity clothes!!

I just won a lot of 1950's maternity clothes on Ebay last week, and I tried my very best to be patient for their arrival...Not once did I vocalize my ire that they hadn't arrived yet! I am very proud.

They arrived yesterday and I didn't get around to trying them on until today, and I am SO excited! They're all summer clothes, so they'll come in handy toward the end of my pregnancy in July!

In the lot there is:
A pencil skirt and smock set in beige lightweight gabardine looking stuff. Gorgeous and WAY too big for me. And no, I won't grow into it. The fabric is quite lovely so I'm considering altering it, but I think the right thing to do would be to pass it on to someone who can actually wear it as is. The smock has a wide boat neck and partial belt pieces secured with rhinestone buttons. ADORABLE.

A brown linen-like rayon skirt with a matching beige smock, also boat neck, with ironed in pleats down the front. I'm too chesty for the pleats to lay flat so I'll have to do some creative ironing. The skirt fits perfect.

A navy blue pencil skirt also in the linen-like rayon. Judging from the label it looks to be from the 1940's.

A turquoise cotton sleeveless smock and pencil skirt set. The skirt is a little big but it's comfy.

I'm so excited! I can't seem to find modern pencil skirts to fit me even when I'm not pregnant, so this is quite a boon!

yoga, water aerobics and lamaze

Now that I'm officially out of my first trimester, I've been meaning to look into the different classes that I should take but I keep getting distracted with video games every time I sit down to the computer. Tonight I managed to tear myself away from the game long enough to finally start my search.

All I want is a place close by where I can take my pregnant belly for some prenatal yoga classes that also has water aerobics classes and lamaze or other birthing classes.

So far I can't find a single place in Seattle that does prenatal water aerobics, the prenatal yoga pickins are slim, and the birthing classes are all miles away during rush hour. This is most vexing. Google is not helping me at all. It seems every time I type in search words on Google they lead me astray, regardless of what the subject is. I was searching for a good picture of a buckskin jacket and Google didn't have any good illustrations of what I mean! Can you imagine the gall?

Anyway, it looks like if I want to have the fitness plan I've been hoping for I'll have to sign up for classes at two different gyms plus sign up for birthing classes at a third location in Timbuktu. I live in Soccer Mom Central, for crying out loud! I would have thought there would be more resources for me here!

Meh.

thirteen weeks and a couple days.

Tonight we went out to dinner with some friends, and I planned ahead by actually eating a lot during the day so that I didn't feel so nauseated. I've been really lucky that I haven't had morning sickness, instead nothing looks appetizing to me. It took me a while to figure out they're two sides to the same coin, so hopefully things will be a lot smoother from here on out.

Instead of being super picky at supper and pushing my food around the plate, I was clutching my belly because it's stretching again. I've felt this since about 5 p.m. last night, and it just feels like I ate A LOT. Like the feeling you get when you eat so much your stomach gets all stretched out and you can feel your muscles pulling against the strain of your food baby? That's how I feel except it's a real baby. I was just thinking yesterday how much I am totally loving being pregnant, then this kicks in.

I don't like the amount of money I've spent on bras in the last two months either! I had to go get more today! I bought one that's a 32DDDD and one that's a 36DDD. That's just wrong! I think the discrepancy in size is just because of the difference in stretch on the elastic, so I'm not worried about that, it's just funny that I'm normally a 34 and yet I didn't buy my band size at all today!

The greatest part about trying on bras today was when the sales lady came in to help me with the sizes, and I put on a bra, jumped up and down, then grabbed my boobs and squeezed. I temporarily forgot that she was there! I think she was more embarrassed than I was, until I explained that I was still sort of mesmerized by my new boobs!

They're YUGE. They have their own moons.

Also, it is again 3:30 in the morning and I'm still up. I actually fell asleep and woke up at a decent hour a couple nights ago and I hoped that it was the start of a regular thing, but no luck. I still can't get to bed at a decent hour. I sit all bleary eyed in front of the computer, yet I'm still wide awake. I know my husband misses falling asleep next to me at night, but I just can't get myself to bed at a decent hour. I end up reading for four hours and that gets uncomfortable after a while.

And you know the best thing about going to bed at the same time as your husband? I bet you do. I wish I could remember!

Oh here's a picture from my shoot with Kevin last week, but this one is not an outtake!

Click on the picture for larger versions in my flickr account.

What an amazing photographer he is!

Well let's just see where my rambling thoughts take us today.

I'm eating a very stale snickerdoodle because I love snickerdoodles oh so much. I lost a pound over the last couple of weeks. I don't like it one bit. I don't feel much like eating the way I used to and it's a real drag. We used to eat out at fancy restaurants all the time but I just don't have the stomach for it anymore because it seems like no matter what meat I order it always arrives raw, not only is raw meat bad for pregnant ladies, but I don't like it. I liked it just fine before I was pregnant! My tastes have changed quite a bit.

So now all I want is fast food cheeseburgers and dairy products, which isn't enough. I'm getting worried about my diet! Day after tomorrow I get to meet my birth group so I'll bring it up then.

Letting the cat out of the bag

I announced on my other more widely read blog that I'm pregnant, so the word's out! That night we attended my husband's company dinner and shared the good news to a few folks there as well.

It was really neat because Jeff Bezos was there and he sat at our table, and he was about as sweet and wonderful as a person could be. He didn't brag about how great he was or snub anyone, he was full of entertaining stories, and when he found out we were pregnant he looked me right in the eye and told me that I look really happy.

I think that's about the best compliment you could give a pregnant lady. It sure beats the hell out of, "You're gonna be HUGE!!!"

My buddy Kevin Hundsnurscher came over last night and took some pictures of me and boy do I look pregnant in them. Here's an outtake that makes me LAUGH and LAUGH:



God I'm sexy. I can hardly stand myself! Seriously...

Here's a picture of the little seamonkey at eight weeks. My doctor didn't bother disclosing his size.


Now I prefer to call him the Mexican Jumping Bean because he was jumping around so much during the ultrasound yesterday. He even waved! This was taken at eleven weeks, and as you can see he's nearly two inches long here. Plus, he looks like Linus from Peanuts!

tests

Eleven weeks, four days. I will be making the announcement this week and I can hardly wait. No more lame excuses for not going out or having wine, no more evasive answers to pointed questions, and finally a good excuse for why I'm looking so fat!

Oddly enough, I haven't gained any weight in a month. I'm eating much healthier now and getting more exercise, so that's probably why I'm not putting on more weight. Actually, my pants are feeling a bit looser in the butt, however I'm certain that will change sooner or later!

Anyhoo. We had our big fancy ultrasound today where they measured the neural tube and took some blood for tests. Looks like everything is fine. The little seamonkey was jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean and his heart is beating one hundred fifty-seven beats per minute! He even waved at us, but I'm sure he wasn't aware of it. I'm just calling it "he" for now, simply because our lame language doesn't have a proper gender neutral pronoun! We can find out the gender at sixteen weeks if the bean is willing to share.

I found some adorable vintage maternity clothes and I'm totally stoked about it! I hate the prospect of wearing boring clothes for the next nine months!

Privacy

It is totally killing me that I have to wait two weeks to make the formal announcement that I'm pregnant. I am a selectively patient person, but keeping secrets about myself is not one of those things I select to be patient about!

Good thing I can blab away to my heart's content here on my blog. This page is like my dirty little secret, for now I get to pretend that no one knows, but I know that lots of people read this. For example, the other day my husband's personal trainer congratulated him but because he's awesome he didn't confirm or deny anything. I doubt she stumbled on this page but one just never knows.

I was talking to my hairdresser today and apparently a lot of her long-time regulars are pregnant right now, so we shared some of the horrifying things people say and do to pregnant women. I get such a kick out of the number of people that tell me, "OMG, You're gonna be HUGE!!"

Thanks for that, what the fuck kind of weird compliment is that? Most people say congratulations or that they're happy for us or something...but telling me I'm going to be fat doesn't make me feel good. Would they like it if I told them they were huge? How about if I pointed out they have a huge whitehead on their face? Or how about every time someone rubs my tummy I pinch their cheeks? They're just so cute when they violate my personal space!

I am the kind of person who does what I can not to hurt people's feelings, so I really wonder how I'm going to maintain my dignity through this pregnancy. When people are just trying to make conversation and they say appalling things to me, it's going to completely stall the discussion if I point out they said something rude to me. Then again, would I be treating myself well if I allowed others to treat me in a way they wouldn't want to be treated?

I never really thought about this stuff before I was pregnant. I hereby formally apologize to all of the mothers out there I've told were huge.

Eleven weeks

Today was a lovely day, I got to meet one of the midwives at my new clinic today! I explained to her that I've had three ultrasounds and I'm only eleven weeks pregnant today, and she was curious to know why. I told her my doctor wanted to see what was going on with my little seamonkey in there. She was worried.

The midwife explained that the difference between a doctor and a midwife is that a doctor sees pregnancy as a medical problem, whereas a midwife sees it as a normal life event. This is why I am excited to be seeing a midwife instead of a doctor. This is my first pregnancy. I am not here for the convenience of anyone. I am going to pay a medical professional a fuckton of money to make sure this pregnancy is going well and deliver my baby, and I want to be treated special. I never once felt like I could ask my doctor any questions, because she was just too busy.

The midwifery clinic I'm going to does a sort of community medical care arrangement, which sounds totally hippie, but I think it's going to be cool. All of the patients that are due the same month get together for two hours each month and take our own blood pressure and weight and stuff, then we sit around and ask questions of the midwives in front of everyone else (which is good for me because I always forget to ask questions), and in the meantime all of us new parents get to make new friends and share experiences.

Mr. Spouse and I will be going to our first one on January 16 and when I tried to explain the meeting to him I couldn't help but say, "And all the expecting parents share their experiences and sing songs while holding hands!"

He looked genuinely horrified.

On Monday we get the big fancy ultrasound where they measure the seamonkey's neural tube, and they'll take my blood. We still haven't heard the heartbeat, so I hope we get to do that! I hear it's super neat! I'm so glad my husband is able to come to these appointments with me. He sounds a little skeptical about the midwife, so I really wish I had brought him to the meet n greet with her today. I won't make that mistake again.

Deep thoughts on maternity wear.

I have one thing to say regarding maternity clothing.

Thank the gods Neiman Marcus carries maternity wear!!

Rar!