gas

I am in pain. Pretty much constant, biting, relentless pain. At first I thought I had a rib out of place, then I didn't know what it was, then I was convinced it was an organ getting squished by my expanding uterus, and finally I realize that it's nothing but gas. Of course I only figured this all out a few days ago, so I'm going through the long process of figuring out exactly what is causing me such bloating and pain!

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that gas pain could be so intense. I can't eat out at a nice restaurant without hoping against all hope that the waiter will arrive with the check so we can leave. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Watching teevee hurts. This sucks ass!

It's really super because once I can manage to get a toot out I'm overjoyed that it's relieving some of the pressure building up in my stomach. However, I've had a couple of occasions at work where I'll be minding my own business and let out a loud toot that startles me so much that I actually jump! Then I giggle at myself. I've never been shy about talking about humorous bodily functions like farting, but this is so bad it's like a completely different animal. I look far more pregnant than I am and it's all gas. I even tell people when they mention how pregnant I look, "Oh, it's mostly gas!!"

I'm real popular these days I tell ya. I'm just barely over the halfway point, dammit.