Dichotomies

I put up a profile on one of those myspace uncensored clone sites a couple months ago. I figured I'd need it since I was getting so damn horny already, and boy has it ever delivered!

I'm feeling very sexy since so many people seem to want to fuck me and lick my pussy now that I'm pregnant, but every now and then I just feel like deflating that ego balloon and telling it like it is!

So here goes!

" god damn!!! pregnant chicks are so fucken hot!!!! i want to lick your whole body!!!"

Nice spelling and grammar deficiency, dude. I really wonder if this guy has any idea just how hot I am. This morning my husband and I were getting all hot and heavy with the kissing and the stroking and the sweet nothings in the ear, and I FARTED SO LOUD, and it was SO STINKY that he JUMPED RIGHT OUT OF BED!

Hot, I tell ya!

"thats so sexy look at them tits"

Did you know that they are constantly peeling because they're growing so fast? They're itchy too, and when I scratch them the scratch marks stay for about an hour! But don't touch them or I'll rip your head off. They are very tender! And honestly, I don't think my boobs have passed for tits since I was about sixteen years old.

"theres nothing most beautiful that a pregnant woman,"

I wonder if he was typing with one hand there. I love that there are pregnancy fetishists out there to validate my bizarre skewed self image. I feel super sexy, but everything that makes me feel sexy right now is stuff I would have been very turned off by before I was pregnant.

My ankles are so swollen they're cool to the touch and they feel like they're full of water.
The skin on my face is red and blotchy.
My nipples are huge and dark.
My pussy is engorged, enlarged, and it has a very strong odor.
I have new spider veins on my feet.
I can pop my belly button out.
I burp and fart unapologetically.
I'm lazy.
I can't bend over and tie my own shoes.
Oh, and need I mention that I am HUGE.

So in case there were any folks out there reading this blog who thought I was hot, I'm glad to banish those thoughts from your mind for you. Maybe next time I see you you'll look at my face instead of my enormous boobs!

Now if you don't mind I'm going to go toot and tend to my hemorrhoids.

Twenty-three weeks!

Our little son is doing somersaults in my womb right now. Perhaps he's excited about the self-portraits I took today.

Here's one:


I can't believe I'm just over halfway through the pregnancy and I'm so big already! I guess my ex-boyfriend is right, I AM going to be huge!!

It's true, I'm pregnant.

So the fun times are definitely over. I've got a pain just below my ribcage on the left side that's been steadily getting worse for two months. I have cut out dairy to help with the gas, and it makes a huge difference with the gas but this pain is something else. I went to see my quack primary care doctor and he thinks it's heartburn and I think he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. This is the same guy that refused to refer me to my eye doctor when I ended up having a corneal ulcer. The OTC medicine he told me to get put a hole in my cornea within 24 hours. That was rad.

But anyway, I could go on and on about how he needs to go back to school or take a give-a-fuck pill but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm pregnant and in a pretty good amount of pain!

My folks' visit has been pretty good! I told them we're naming our son Torvald so that when they find out the real name they'll like it better. Mom says if we name him Torvald she's calling him something else. I've been madly running around the house fixing stuff and moving stuff downstairs for storage. I'm hoping to start painting the baby furniture soon, I just need to get the mens to move the dressers around for me!

This constant pain business is making me real cranky. I hate feeling like this!

Twenty-two weeks pregnant

My folks are coming to stay with us for a couple weeks starting tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about it, but I am also really looking forward to it. Mom said she wanted to help me prepare the nursery, but of course I've barely started moving stuff out of it, and now I see that there's some water damage under one of the windows that needs repairing before we can paint in there. Super!

Kevin is coming over tonight to do a shoot. I was hoping to do it next week but since my folks will be here we had to move it up a few days. I'm madly trying to clean the house, get rid of incriminating evidence of my nefarious activities, turn the mother-in-law unit back into a livable space after it being storage for months, and prepare for a shoot. Oh, and I worked a half day today!

I'm doing a big purge on my vintage clothes too, so that's been painful. There's a 1940's cream gabardine suit that I've had for years and I'm finally going to sell it. It seems a shame to part with some of this stuff at the vintage stores around here since they don't pay a whole lot, but I know that if I keep telling myself I'm going to sell it on Ebay I'll hang onto it for four more years! I've also decided to get rid of my white Fluevog boots that I've had for less than a year. They're a half size too small, dangit!

Yesterday I took six boxes of stuff to Goodwill (and only came home with a bagful!), and I'll be bringing home a small dresser, and a small bookcase to refinish for the nursery, and then refinishing my black dresser for the nursery too.

Okay, I have to get ready to have my picture taken!

The Land of Suburbia

Mr. Spouse and I made a pilgrimage to the Bellevue Square mall today because I wanted to investigate the maternity clothing options there. It was horrifying.

The maternity store I was looking for was no longer in business, and traffic around that mall is the stuff of nightmares, so after spending too much precious time of our remaining lives putting a few extra miles on the car we ended up at Bellevue Square.

The mall was an unholy terror. I found Babystyle, which had a nice line of Italian maternity clothes that were quite stylish (yet bland colored) with agonizing prices. A cotton jersey dress, black, dry clean only, $300! Yikes!! I think I tried on every piece by that brand, but mercifully none of them were big enough in the chest for me so they got to keep them all.

I had to go up two sizes in all the shirts I tried on, which was not comforting, but hey, I have shirts that fit now, a dress, a skirt, and two pairs of pants!! My maternity jeans no longer fit so I picked up a pair by Citizens of Humanity. I'm still surprised that I spent so much money on a pair of maternity pants, but I am seriously desperate for clothes that make me look good.

If I could get back all the time I've spent looking for fashionable maternity clothes and put it into making stuff for myself, I'd be the most stylish person in Seattle! Perhaps after I finish my current costume gig I can invest some time in my wardrobe, and I might be able to make some stuff for my pregnant friends while I'm at it.

At the checkout line were hordes of skinny frosted haired blonde clones clearly buying presents for friends' showers. It was so odd to see them! Even in downtown Seattle malls I just don't see women like that! You know the long legged, jean-clad, straight haired, striped hair and too much makeup masses that frequent all the trendy bars...you can catch them reeling around the streets of Belltown in the middle of winter without a coat. Thank god I'm not like them. Watching them today was like being too close to the bars at the zoo, especially now that I live in a completely different world than them. They pushed into me in line yet managed to somehow not acknowledge me in any way.

Which makes me think about all the really cool women I've gotten to know a little better during this pregnancy. It's amazing how many women have offered up their pregnancy stories to me. The more I show, the more friends and acquaintances of mine come forward and tell me their birth stories, or stories about how much they loved being pregnant. I've met very few women who had a completely horrible time with their pregnancy but even the ones that did have good things to say about it. It's a special time for a woman. It's like someone put a cover on the platter of life, everything is a little quieter, a little slower, and a little brighter. This is the most precious time of my life and even though I am uncomfortable and moody as hell, I am having a great time.

In other news, Mr. Spouse felt our son moving for the first time today!

gas

I am in pain. Pretty much constant, biting, relentless pain. At first I thought I had a rib out of place, then I didn't know what it was, then I was convinced it was an organ getting squished by my expanding uterus, and finally I realize that it's nothing but gas. Of course I only figured this all out a few days ago, so I'm going through the long process of figuring out exactly what is causing me such bloating and pain!

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that gas pain could be so intense. I can't eat out at a nice restaurant without hoping against all hope that the waiter will arrive with the check so we can leave. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Watching teevee hurts. This sucks ass!

It's really super because once I can manage to get a toot out I'm overjoyed that it's relieving some of the pressure building up in my stomach. However, I've had a couple of occasions at work where I'll be minding my own business and let out a loud toot that startles me so much that I actually jump! Then I giggle at myself. I've never been shy about talking about humorous bodily functions like farting, but this is so bad it's like a completely different animal. I look far more pregnant than I am and it's all gas. I even tell people when they mention how pregnant I look, "Oh, it's mostly gas!!"

I'm real popular these days I tell ya. I'm just barely over the halfway point, dammit.

Damn bloating!

My ankles have exploded and my boobs have sagged. The glory days of pregnancy are over! To top it all off, it appears that no one got a full length picture of me in my catsuit at SEAF last weekend.

I'm kinda cranky this week. I'm fighting off a cold, my job is not challenging, and I still can't find a comfortable bra.

It's been a pretty awesome day despite the fact that I've hardly moved from this spot all day!

I managed to update my blog here on the events of the past three weeks, which was daunting.
I registered for baby gifts at Amazon.com and Target.com and managed to find stuff that wasn't all pastel!
I picked up some awesome art at SEAF, and was presented with a totally rad gift basket full of relaxing goodies!
Jumped on Mr. Spouse
Saw some pictures from last night's event
Got dressed!

Not in that order, mind you, but very nearly.

And I can't tell you how badly I want this table for our son. He won't need it for a while, but I want it real bad!

The last three weeks

Feb 9-17 vacation in Cabo San Lucas
Feb 18 photoshoot with friend Patrick
Feb 19 midwife appointment, photoshoot with friend Kevin
Feb 20 photoshoot with new friend Keith
Feb 21 find out baby might have Down Syndrome, spent time with family
Feb 25 start work at theater
Feb 26 ultrasound
Feb 27 year and a half anniversary
Feb 28 genetic counseling
Feb 29 work on maternity catsuit
Mar 1 work on maternity catsuit, Seattle Erotic Art Festival Gala

We spent a week in Cabo San Lucas a few weeks ago...I guess the proper term for this kind of trip is "Babymoon!" It was fabulous! I was horizontal pretty much the whole time, either lounging by the pool, laying in bed watching teevee, or sleeping (n stuff)! It was fantastic. We hardly even left the hotel, except to try to find some good tequila and mezcal to bring home for after the baby arrives.

Our hotel was the epitome of luxury, a spa/hotel, and from our deck we could see gray whales breeching in the ocean. We saw a little hummingbird that even let us peer closely at it while it sat calmly on a branch, and of course I took a bunch of self portraits. We made use of the spa facilities and had a couples massage, and I believe it was the most relaxing massage I've ever had in my life. They had a pad for the table so my belly could poke through! Genius, I tell ya!

When we got back I had a midwife appointment, which went smoothly until two days later when they called to tell me that my blood test came back at a high risk for Down Syndrome. That was a super busy day for me but I managed to do some heavy retail therapy regardless. We spent the weekend on the verge of tears, especially when my family seemed to think I should terminate the pregnancy if it indeed had Down Syndrome.

There's something a mother should never have to think about. I have been wanting a child my whole life. I've been actively pursuing baby making for eight years. Now that I'm finally pregnant, I feel great and my husband couldn't possibly be more perfect, the last thing I want to do is terminate. Just a few months after I give birth to this child I'll be turning 35, thereby flipping the switch into "HIGH RISK PREGNANCY" territory (don't even get me started on that 35=high risk pregnancy shit, it seems to only mean a higher chance that the mom will "need" amniocentesis according to doctors).

So anyway. I thought about all those issues far too much in the last week, which is why I haven't made a post. I didn't want to worry the folks I care about if they happened to come upon a post where I was tearfully laying my soul on the line.

On top of all that, I had three photoshoots that week! One Monday, one Tuesday, and one Wednesday. Not bad considering we just got back from Mexico Sunday night!

Then I started a full time temporary job at one of the theaters I often work at, and had to tell my boss I had a thousand doctor appointments. I wasn't sure how I'd manage a forty hour work week after sitting on my tuckus for months, pregnant, but it's been fun and they gave me the comfiest chair in the joint, which makes a huge difference.

By the time we finally had our ultrasound I was so nervous I hardly got excited when we found out it was a boy. Our technician had the best poker face I've ever seen so I couldn't tell if everything looked normal or not, and at the end she had another technician come in and make sure she didn't miss any shots for the Down Syndrome screening. He was much more readable, particularly when he said everything looked normal!

That night was still difficult, but by the next morning I was sure everything was fine. Thursday we had our genetic counseling appointment and the counselor told us that the midwife office had misspelled my name on the first round of blood tests so when the second round came back they weren't linked together. My hormone levels were higher at the second test, which is normal according to the first results, but without those it looked like I had a 1 in 65 chance of Down Syndrome, instead of the actual 1 in 2500 chance that both tests combined showed.

My indignant support group were all up in arms at first at the news, but despite this major fuckup on the part of my midwife office, I'm confident that they will deliver us a healthy baby boy with the least amount of physical trauma to myself, which is not a feeling I got from my previous doctor. So no, I will not be switching midwives.

So thank god that's all past us, we're back to staring lustily into each other's eyes and rubbing my tummy! We're even referring to the baby by the name we picked out for him. Who knows if it will end up on his birth certificate because when we see him it will determine his name for sure!

In the meantime, life marches forward, and I managed to whip myself up a maternity catsuit between the time I got off work on Friday and eight pm on Saturday when the SEAF gala started, but just barely! I looked and felt awesome, and I'll post some pictures as soon as I get them!

Shit, I need a nap after this hellish three weeks!