gender

If I don't find out the gender of this baby soon, I am afraid my friends and family are going to riot.

Here's the reasoning:

I want to wait to register for stuff until I know the gender.

I don't even want to start thinking about the showers until I register.

I'm starting to feel the pressure!

The good news is I'm almost 100% sure that I've found the stroller of our dreams!

The Abyss of Talking Smack

A tiny smidgen of conversation between my mom and I today really got me thinking about how fragile good moods really are. I've had to tell people before not to talk to me about certain people because it doesn't do much for morale.

For instance, I was working a stint in the costume shop, and my draper was the boss of our team, then there was the first hand, then two stitchers, of which I was one. My draper and I were close friends and have been for a long time, but she didn't like her first hand and talked smack about her every chance she got. It was a hard show we were working on, and attitudes were lagging anyway, so I eventually had to point out to my boss that I didn't want to hear about her first hand anymore because it didn't do anything to improve morale on our team.

It's easy to forget how gossip and griping about people saps the energy out of a room, regardless of who it is you're talking smack about. You could be on the bus, complaining to your friend about politics or some famous person neither of you will ever actually talk to, and it wears away on the good moods around you. It darkens the sky above people and spreads crappy feelings everywhere.

So I try as hard as I can not to get too sucked into negativity. The more I talk about how much someone drives me crazy, the more it plunges me into a crevasse, and the longer I let it continue the deeper I get and the harder it is to pull myself out of it.

My mother, on the other hand! I wonder if she's ever noticed this pattern. She can talk smack about someone she swears she loves, and she'll go on and on and on until I stop her, never even noticing how she's spoiling moods around her. So today she was talking smack about a new mother friend of ours, and I finally told her, "Gee, I hope you're not that critical of me when I'm a mom!"

To which she retorted, "Better watch it!"

Yikes! Now I know that my mom is going to be critiquing my parenting methods to her friends and family. Good thing I have some time to get used to the idea.

Baby stuff to buy.

For some reason I am much more relaxed about the prospect of buying property than I am about registering for baby stuff. I have no idea what kind of crap we're going to need for the nursery. I think I know what I want the motif to be, but I haven't talked it over with my husband yet. My good friend Leslie thinks we should do a zoo theme, which would suit Mr. Spouse just awesome, but I like clowns. So maybe a circus theme, then there can be animals too!

All primary colors. Of course if I choose all primary colors it will be impossible to find baby stuff in bright colors, so we'll see what I can find out there. I haven't the slightest idea where to look for baby stuff. Or who knows, maybe primary colors make for crazy sociopaths or something. Perhaps I should do a little more research into the psychology of colors.

Or maybe I'm just being totally neurotic about all of this. I don't know what to do!!

We need a crib and a mattress, and a diaper service, and some clothes. There! All set!

vintage maternity clothes!!

I just won a lot of 1950's maternity clothes on Ebay last week, and I tried my very best to be patient for their arrival...Not once did I vocalize my ire that they hadn't arrived yet! I am very proud.

They arrived yesterday and I didn't get around to trying them on until today, and I am SO excited! They're all summer clothes, so they'll come in handy toward the end of my pregnancy in July!

In the lot there is:
A pencil skirt and smock set in beige lightweight gabardine looking stuff. Gorgeous and WAY too big for me. And no, I won't grow into it. The fabric is quite lovely so I'm considering altering it, but I think the right thing to do would be to pass it on to someone who can actually wear it as is. The smock has a wide boat neck and partial belt pieces secured with rhinestone buttons. ADORABLE.

A brown linen-like rayon skirt with a matching beige smock, also boat neck, with ironed in pleats down the front. I'm too chesty for the pleats to lay flat so I'll have to do some creative ironing. The skirt fits perfect.

A navy blue pencil skirt also in the linen-like rayon. Judging from the label it looks to be from the 1940's.

A turquoise cotton sleeveless smock and pencil skirt set. The skirt is a little big but it's comfy.

I'm so excited! I can't seem to find modern pencil skirts to fit me even when I'm not pregnant, so this is quite a boon!

yoga, water aerobics and lamaze

Now that I'm officially out of my first trimester, I've been meaning to look into the different classes that I should take but I keep getting distracted with video games every time I sit down to the computer. Tonight I managed to tear myself away from the game long enough to finally start my search.

All I want is a place close by where I can take my pregnant belly for some prenatal yoga classes that also has water aerobics classes and lamaze or other birthing classes.

So far I can't find a single place in Seattle that does prenatal water aerobics, the prenatal yoga pickins are slim, and the birthing classes are all miles away during rush hour. This is most vexing. Google is not helping me at all. It seems every time I type in search words on Google they lead me astray, regardless of what the subject is. I was searching for a good picture of a buckskin jacket and Google didn't have any good illustrations of what I mean! Can you imagine the gall?

Anyway, it looks like if I want to have the fitness plan I've been hoping for I'll have to sign up for classes at two different gyms plus sign up for birthing classes at a third location in Timbuktu. I live in Soccer Mom Central, for crying out loud! I would have thought there would be more resources for me here!

Meh.

thirteen weeks and a couple days.

Tonight we went out to dinner with some friends, and I planned ahead by actually eating a lot during the day so that I didn't feel so nauseated. I've been really lucky that I haven't had morning sickness, instead nothing looks appetizing to me. It took me a while to figure out they're two sides to the same coin, so hopefully things will be a lot smoother from here on out.

Instead of being super picky at supper and pushing my food around the plate, I was clutching my belly because it's stretching again. I've felt this since about 5 p.m. last night, and it just feels like I ate A LOT. Like the feeling you get when you eat so much your stomach gets all stretched out and you can feel your muscles pulling against the strain of your food baby? That's how I feel except it's a real baby. I was just thinking yesterday how much I am totally loving being pregnant, then this kicks in.

I don't like the amount of money I've spent on bras in the last two months either! I had to go get more today! I bought one that's a 32DDDD and one that's a 36DDD. That's just wrong! I think the discrepancy in size is just because of the difference in stretch on the elastic, so I'm not worried about that, it's just funny that I'm normally a 34 and yet I didn't buy my band size at all today!

The greatest part about trying on bras today was when the sales lady came in to help me with the sizes, and I put on a bra, jumped up and down, then grabbed my boobs and squeezed. I temporarily forgot that she was there! I think she was more embarrassed than I was, until I explained that I was still sort of mesmerized by my new boobs!

They're YUGE. They have their own moons.

Also, it is again 3:30 in the morning and I'm still up. I actually fell asleep and woke up at a decent hour a couple nights ago and I hoped that it was the start of a regular thing, but no luck. I still can't get to bed at a decent hour. I sit all bleary eyed in front of the computer, yet I'm still wide awake. I know my husband misses falling asleep next to me at night, but I just can't get myself to bed at a decent hour. I end up reading for four hours and that gets uncomfortable after a while.

And you know the best thing about going to bed at the same time as your husband? I bet you do. I wish I could remember!

Oh here's a picture from my shoot with Kevin last week, but this one is not an outtake!

Click on the picture for larger versions in my flickr account.

What an amazing photographer he is!

Well let's just see where my rambling thoughts take us today.

I'm eating a very stale snickerdoodle because I love snickerdoodles oh so much. I lost a pound over the last couple of weeks. I don't like it one bit. I don't feel much like eating the way I used to and it's a real drag. We used to eat out at fancy restaurants all the time but I just don't have the stomach for it anymore because it seems like no matter what meat I order it always arrives raw, not only is raw meat bad for pregnant ladies, but I don't like it. I liked it just fine before I was pregnant! My tastes have changed quite a bit.

So now all I want is fast food cheeseburgers and dairy products, which isn't enough. I'm getting worried about my diet! Day after tomorrow I get to meet my birth group so I'll bring it up then.

Letting the cat out of the bag

I announced on my other more widely read blog that I'm pregnant, so the word's out! That night we attended my husband's company dinner and shared the good news to a few folks there as well.

It was really neat because Jeff Bezos was there and he sat at our table, and he was about as sweet and wonderful as a person could be. He didn't brag about how great he was or snub anyone, he was full of entertaining stories, and when he found out we were pregnant he looked me right in the eye and told me that I look really happy.

I think that's about the best compliment you could give a pregnant lady. It sure beats the hell out of, "You're gonna be HUGE!!!"

My buddy Kevin Hundsnurscher came over last night and took some pictures of me and boy do I look pregnant in them. Here's an outtake that makes me LAUGH and LAUGH:



God I'm sexy. I can hardly stand myself! Seriously...

Here's a picture of the little seamonkey at eight weeks. My doctor didn't bother disclosing his size.


Now I prefer to call him the Mexican Jumping Bean because he was jumping around so much during the ultrasound yesterday. He even waved! This was taken at eleven weeks, and as you can see he's nearly two inches long here. Plus, he looks like Linus from Peanuts!

tests

Eleven weeks, four days. I will be making the announcement this week and I can hardly wait. No more lame excuses for not going out or having wine, no more evasive answers to pointed questions, and finally a good excuse for why I'm looking so fat!

Oddly enough, I haven't gained any weight in a month. I'm eating much healthier now and getting more exercise, so that's probably why I'm not putting on more weight. Actually, my pants are feeling a bit looser in the butt, however I'm certain that will change sooner or later!

Anyhoo. We had our big fancy ultrasound today where they measured the neural tube and took some blood for tests. Looks like everything is fine. The little seamonkey was jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean and his heart is beating one hundred fifty-seven beats per minute! He even waved at us, but I'm sure he wasn't aware of it. I'm just calling it "he" for now, simply because our lame language doesn't have a proper gender neutral pronoun! We can find out the gender at sixteen weeks if the bean is willing to share.

I found some adorable vintage maternity clothes and I'm totally stoked about it! I hate the prospect of wearing boring clothes for the next nine months!

Privacy

It is totally killing me that I have to wait two weeks to make the formal announcement that I'm pregnant. I am a selectively patient person, but keeping secrets about myself is not one of those things I select to be patient about!

Good thing I can blab away to my heart's content here on my blog. This page is like my dirty little secret, for now I get to pretend that no one knows, but I know that lots of people read this. For example, the other day my husband's personal trainer congratulated him but because he's awesome he didn't confirm or deny anything. I doubt she stumbled on this page but one just never knows.

I was talking to my hairdresser today and apparently a lot of her long-time regulars are pregnant right now, so we shared some of the horrifying things people say and do to pregnant women. I get such a kick out of the number of people that tell me, "OMG, You're gonna be HUGE!!"

Thanks for that, what the fuck kind of weird compliment is that? Most people say congratulations or that they're happy for us or something...but telling me I'm going to be fat doesn't make me feel good. Would they like it if I told them they were huge? How about if I pointed out they have a huge whitehead on their face? Or how about every time someone rubs my tummy I pinch their cheeks? They're just so cute when they violate my personal space!

I am the kind of person who does what I can not to hurt people's feelings, so I really wonder how I'm going to maintain my dignity through this pregnancy. When people are just trying to make conversation and they say appalling things to me, it's going to completely stall the discussion if I point out they said something rude to me. Then again, would I be treating myself well if I allowed others to treat me in a way they wouldn't want to be treated?

I never really thought about this stuff before I was pregnant. I hereby formally apologize to all of the mothers out there I've told were huge.

Eleven weeks

Today was a lovely day, I got to meet one of the midwives at my new clinic today! I explained to her that I've had three ultrasounds and I'm only eleven weeks pregnant today, and she was curious to know why. I told her my doctor wanted to see what was going on with my little seamonkey in there. She was worried.

The midwife explained that the difference between a doctor and a midwife is that a doctor sees pregnancy as a medical problem, whereas a midwife sees it as a normal life event. This is why I am excited to be seeing a midwife instead of a doctor. This is my first pregnancy. I am not here for the convenience of anyone. I am going to pay a medical professional a fuckton of money to make sure this pregnancy is going well and deliver my baby, and I want to be treated special. I never once felt like I could ask my doctor any questions, because she was just too busy.

The midwifery clinic I'm going to does a sort of community medical care arrangement, which sounds totally hippie, but I think it's going to be cool. All of the patients that are due the same month get together for two hours each month and take our own blood pressure and weight and stuff, then we sit around and ask questions of the midwives in front of everyone else (which is good for me because I always forget to ask questions), and in the meantime all of us new parents get to make new friends and share experiences.

Mr. Spouse and I will be going to our first one on January 16 and when I tried to explain the meeting to him I couldn't help but say, "And all the expecting parents share their experiences and sing songs while holding hands!"

He looked genuinely horrified.

On Monday we get the big fancy ultrasound where they measure the seamonkey's neural tube, and they'll take my blood. We still haven't heard the heartbeat, so I hope we get to do that! I hear it's super neat! I'm so glad my husband is able to come to these appointments with me. He sounds a little skeptical about the midwife, so I really wish I had brought him to the meet n greet with her today. I won't make that mistake again.

Deep thoughts on maternity wear.

I have one thing to say regarding maternity clothing.

Thank the gods Neiman Marcus carries maternity wear!!

Rar!