First doctor's appointment

We went to the doctor today, the three of us! It was very exciting and I tried to maintain my composure. I did really well until the doctor came in to give me my first ultrasound, then before she even got the apparatus all hooked up I nearly lost it.

Her bedside manner left much to be desired, so that helped me from breaking out in tears.

Anyway, the little seamonkey is not as far along as we thought. The doctor says I might be six weeks pregnant, but more likely I'm not even that far along. Ah the joys of irregular periods. Who the hell knows when I was ovulating?

So either I ovulated really late or the embryo stopped developing. I find out next week.

Still trying to maintain my composure...

Disclaimer: If you know me, please do not ask me if I'm pregnant because I will not answer, at least until the first trimester is over, in which case I'll certainly say so right here on my blog. I'm going to write about it here and pretend that no one is listening, okay? Just help me hold up that bit of artifice for a little while longer.

So my boobs are hugemungous right now!! I can finally wear a tube top, now that it's too cold to do so! They're round, firm, large and PERT! I haven't had boobs like this since I was sixteen, and they were a lot smaller back then!

On the flip side, I have terrible gas, I have to pee all the dang time, I am super thirsty and tired, and I've gained two pounds this week. I guess I should start doing some deep moisturizing to see if it will help keep the stretch marks away. I was wondering why I seemed to be getting so fat, I guess this explains it! It's natural and all, but it's still alarming. I thought I'd at least be able to wear my normal clothes for longer.

And I am so fucking cranky right now, omigod. I'm usually super cheerful so this is weird for me, but I'm about ready to tear someone's head off.

I'm anxious to go to my first doctor's appointment, mostly because since I have a very irregular period I had no idea that I was pregnant. While my husband's parents were visiting from Italy for three weeks we had wine with every meal, and then I drank last weekend. Every book, magazine article, and person on the North American Continent has very strong ideas about drinking while pregnant, so I'm pretty concerned about any damage I might have unwittingly inflicted on the little sea monkey in these early developmental stages of its life.

I keep telling myself I shouldn't beat myself up over it because I can't undo what happened already, and if alcohol was nearly as dangerous as the books say it is, the human race never would have made it through the Dark Ages, when people drank beer and wine instead of water because it was less likely to be contaminated. I actually nearly bit a guy's head off at a work party once because there was a pregnant woman drinking a glass of wine and he was all, "Can you believe she's drinking WINE?!" Why is it that people believe they can pass judgement on a mom when they don't even have kids themselves?

Still. I'm worried. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a bad mom or that everything will be fine. Keep your opinions to yourselves, or post your own blog about them.

I keep calling my husband "Daddy," and his expressions are priceless. He looks away and smiles a big toothy grin, then looks away again and his eyes get all sparkly! Then he'll touch my stomach or something sweet like that. He's the best thing ever! I wonder if he has any idea how moody I might get during this pregnancy. I feel bad for him already.

It's all very exciting and scary!

I got something to say!

So day before yesterday I was at work, dilligently folding clothes and trying not to think about how my skills weren't being used, when this guy walked in and started chatting with my boss (who is a totally rad woman). She asked how his wife's pregnancy was coming along, to which he replied, "It isn't."

How far along was she? Two and a half months. This is why you're not supposed to announce to everyone you know that you're pregnant until the first trimester is over. He told my boss about how everyone asks her how the pregnancy is coming along, and it ruins her whole day. I have no idea what it's like to lose a child, but I know for sure that if I ever do I'm not going to want everyone bringing it up all the dang time!

So that kind of brings up the question: how the hell is a girl supposed to blog about a pregnancy without telling anyone she's pregnant for the first trimester?