Dichotomies

I put up a profile on one of those myspace uncensored clone sites a couple months ago. I figured I'd need it since I was getting so damn horny already, and boy has it ever delivered!

I'm feeling very sexy since so many people seem to want to fuck me and lick my pussy now that I'm pregnant, but every now and then I just feel like deflating that ego balloon and telling it like it is!

So here goes!

" god damn!!! pregnant chicks are so fucken hot!!!! i want to lick your whole body!!!"

Nice spelling and grammar deficiency, dude. I really wonder if this guy has any idea just how hot I am. This morning my husband and I were getting all hot and heavy with the kissing and the stroking and the sweet nothings in the ear, and I FARTED SO LOUD, and it was SO STINKY that he JUMPED RIGHT OUT OF BED!

Hot, I tell ya!

"thats so sexy look at them tits"

Did you know that they are constantly peeling because they're growing so fast? They're itchy too, and when I scratch them the scratch marks stay for about an hour! But don't touch them or I'll rip your head off. They are very tender! And honestly, I don't think my boobs have passed for tits since I was about sixteen years old.

"theres nothing most beautiful that a pregnant woman,"

I wonder if he was typing with one hand there. I love that there are pregnancy fetishists out there to validate my bizarre skewed self image. I feel super sexy, but everything that makes me feel sexy right now is stuff I would have been very turned off by before I was pregnant.

My ankles are so swollen they're cool to the touch and they feel like they're full of water.
The skin on my face is red and blotchy.
My nipples are huge and dark.
My pussy is engorged, enlarged, and it has a very strong odor.
I have new spider veins on my feet.
I can pop my belly button out.
I burp and fart unapologetically.
I'm lazy.
I can't bend over and tie my own shoes.
Oh, and need I mention that I am HUGE.

So in case there were any folks out there reading this blog who thought I was hot, I'm glad to banish those thoughts from your mind for you. Maybe next time I see you you'll look at my face instead of my enormous boobs!

Now if you don't mind I'm going to go toot and tend to my hemorrhoids.