In an effort to be a more pleasant person, I went through the complicated process of getting a referral for my chiropractor, then sceduling an appointment. I was sure I wouldn't get in until next week, but miracle of miracles, I'm going today!

I can't begin to tell you how much pain negatively affects my mood. Mr. Spouse has been walking around on eggshells.

After the back pain goes away it's time to re-tackle the thrush.

Hormones are fun!

I have has a really hard time controlling my emotions these past couple days. I'm dwelling on stuff that makes me angry and it's not helpful at all. I think it might be because I haven't made time for myself or had any playdates with Henry's little friends. I've just been so completely worn out! Even the thought of making plans makes me more tired. I hate it when I get to this point.

So this pregnancy calendar starts at July 29, the supposed first day of my last period. At our first ultrasound on September 11, the tech said I was six weeks and two days along. I have no idea what the first day of my last period was, I only had one in the last two years, but it lasted three weeks! It's nice to have a definitive date set on it. That makes me seven weeks and 5 days along now. Holy crap I have a long way to go.

I don't remember being this nauseous last time, dammit! Piss pie! It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, how much or how often. I just feel bleah.

And how weird is it to have braces while pregnant at nearly 36 years old?

Can I just say how much I'd like to get sloppy drunk right now? I wanna go on a bender! But I suppose I'll wait a few years for that. Meh.

I decided today that even though I am almost 36 and I have braces, I still would like people to treat me with the respect I deserve, and I think I could dress the part a little better. So I went shopping and bought a new grown up coat. I think this is the second new coat I've bought myself since moving out of my parents house in 1992. Go me. I got it home and realized that it's super boring. Maybe I'll dress it up with a snazzy vintage pin!

Vbac or C-section?

Yesterday's appointment went very well. I like my ob, I like her nurses and the rest of her staff, the location is convenient, and this doctor did my c-section that brought Henry into the world. However, she won't do a vbac.

My prenatal care was truly horrific with Henry. I'm still mentally scarred from his birth. It wasn't just the birthing process that was bad with him, it was nearly every visit to the midwife that was awful. It culminated with my midwife not returning pages from the nursing staff when I was in labor. If I ever see that woman again, I might end up in jail.

So with that in mind, sticking with my current ob has many attractive qualities. The biggest one for me is summed up in what the nurse said to me yesterday upon trying to find my c-section scar: "you could still be a topless dancer!" She did a magnificent job stitching me back up.

Sure I'm vain. Got a problem with that?

Even with all of the factors in her favor, the thought of going into surgery again makes me shudder with dread.

I can either continue my care with my current ob and have another c-section or I can find another doctor who will let me try a vaginal birth but I might still end up with another c-section.

The recovery from my previous one was awful. Two weeks on vicodin, two days in the hospital, trying to get used to having a baby during all that is something I don't care to repeat, especially while dealing with an almost two year old too.

I have a lot to think about.

Woohoo! I'm back!

So it must be true...I am pregnant again! It's still too early to announce it, so if you know me and you see me in public, don't ask about it just in case I miscarry. I'd hate to get all emotional if this pregnancy doesn't stick and someone asks me how it's going. I'm sure you'd want to avoid that situation too.

Okay, enough with the depressing part!

I stopped taking my low dose birth control pills in mid-July, then a couple weeks later I noticed a telltale stringy discharge not unlike what it's supposed to look like when I'm ovulating. That night I took advantage of my husband and something must have gone right because I'm pregnant already! I only had one weird three week period in there and I'm not quite sure when it was, but a couple weeks ago I had some spotting which might have been the egg implanting on my uterine wall. Five days later I peed on a stick, handed it to Mr. Spouse while I cleaned myself up and he got to see the results before I did! He was so excited!

So far my symptoms have been mild. Big mood swings, occasional panic attacks (not really panic attacks, but for me they're pretty bad), extreme thirst, entertaining gas, skin darkening on the face (dammit), sleeping A LOT, and a little bit of nausea. I've been a little worried that I'm not pregnant after all because my symptoms this time are so different from last time at this stage, but then last night I read my pregnancy book and my symptoms are pretty standard.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare. That's something I missed with the last pregnancy. I hope this doesn't become a regular thing because I had to get up and distract myself for an hour. I won't go into detail, but basically Henry drowned in the bathtub in my nightmare. I hope to Christ I never have another dream like that. I count my lucky stars every day that I rarely remember my dreams when one like this comes up.

So my big challenge during this pregnancy is continuing nursing Henry. I'm going to have to watch my diet because feeding my son, building a new organ and a new person while maintaining my own body is going to be a huge task. Hopefully this time I don't gain sixty pounds, that extra weight didn't make anything any easier towards the end.

I was just reading on one of my breastfeeding communities that some women had their colostrum come in as early as twelve weeks, and as a result their breastfeeding kids had horrendous diapers. Apparently it's a laxative. Super duper. I don't want to stop nursing Henry until he decides its time. He really loves it and I like that he's getting the nutrition.

I guess there's no sense in worrying about it now, I'll just take it as it comes. Worry never solves anything!

We have our first doctor's appointment today, we get to figure out how far along I am. I think I'm at seven weeks, judging by that spotting!