Daydreaming at naptime

Henry is taking his nap, and I'm daydreaming about what kind of bed we will need when the new baby comes. If it's a girl, she will need her own room to help contain the explosion of inevitable pink, and I think a daybed would be perfect! If it's a boy, they can share a room and bunk beds will be perfect! I just realized I've already looked at both on craigslist today!

We had our big nuchal transparency sonogram yesterday. It was nice to see the little bean hopping around in there, everything in it's place and the little heart going like mad! The technician said my placenta is at the back of my uterus, and when I told her I thought I felt the baby kicking already she said that's entirely possible! I've been feeling movement in there for at least two weeks but I didn't believe it.

Looks like my due date is about a week earlier than we thought, so that means my first trimester is officially over! Thank god!! I hope I feel as good during this second trimester as I did with Henry! He's been a real peach through all this.

Except for the nursing! Ouch! It's been so uncomfortable since I got pregnant!! So far most people have been supportive of my nursing while pregnant, which is great. Henry loves it and I really want to continue nursing until he's at least two. With this flu season this winter I think it's especially important. We will see how he feels once my milk changes, and if my supply drops!

I've been feeling pretty good lately, or so I thought until shortly after my 36th birthday when I bought myself some extremely expensive irrational shoes. Who knows how long I will be able to wear them before my feel swell up again. What was I thinking?!

I am nine and a half weeks pregnant already and I've lost four pounds I couldn't afford to lose. I think dealing with the nausea and a somewhat limited diet due to my braces is taking a toll. And of course I am still nursing and that burns a lot of calories. I am now below my pre-Henry pregnancy weight and several pounds of what's left is in my lactating boobs, which are still four cup sizes bigger than they were before Henry. I look like a lollipop.

However, I am lucky that so far in this pregnancy my cravings are nutritious! I'm craving tunafish sandwiches, oatmeal, molasses, and milk! Mmm. I'm eating oatmeal and molasses right now.

I had my first appointment with the OB last week. She says everything is going really well and our little bean has a very strong heartbeat! She thinks I have very little chance of a miscarriage now, which means in May next year I will be trying to care for a 21 month old toddler and a newborn! It's an exciting prospect that fills me with both joy and dread.

I think I may go for the planned C-section with my current doc. I don't think I have ever had a doctor I actually LIKED do much. I don't think it's worth risking this unique experience for a chance at a vaginal birth. I still have time to think about it. I really don't want to get cut open again, but I don't want 96 hours of labor ending in getting cut open like last time either.

In an effort to be a more pleasant person, I went through the complicated process of getting a referral for my chiropractor, then sceduling an appointment. I was sure I wouldn't get in until next week, but miracle of miracles, I'm going today!

I can't begin to tell you how much pain negatively affects my mood. Mr. Spouse has been walking around on eggshells.

After the back pain goes away it's time to re-tackle the thrush.

Hormones are fun!

I have has a really hard time controlling my emotions these past couple days. I'm dwelling on stuff that makes me angry and it's not helpful at all. I think it might be because I haven't made time for myself or had any playdates with Henry's little friends. I've just been so completely worn out! Even the thought of making plans makes me more tired. I hate it when I get to this point.

So this pregnancy calendar starts at July 29, the supposed first day of my last period. At our first ultrasound on September 11, the tech said I was six weeks and two days along. I have no idea what the first day of my last period was, I only had one in the last two years, but it lasted three weeks! It's nice to have a definitive date set on it. That makes me seven weeks and 5 days along now. Holy crap I have a long way to go.

I don't remember being this nauseous last time, dammit! Piss pie! It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, how much or how often. I just feel bleah.

And how weird is it to have braces while pregnant at nearly 36 years old?

Can I just say how much I'd like to get sloppy drunk right now? I wanna go on a bender! But I suppose I'll wait a few years for that. Meh.

I decided today that even though I am almost 36 and I have braces, I still would like people to treat me with the respect I deserve, and I think I could dress the part a little better. So I went shopping and bought a new grown up coat. I think this is the second new coat I've bought myself since moving out of my parents house in 1992. Go me. I got it home and realized that it's super boring. Maybe I'll dress it up with a snazzy vintage pin!

Vbac or C-section?

Yesterday's appointment went very well. I like my ob, I like her nurses and the rest of her staff, the location is convenient, and this doctor did my c-section that brought Henry into the world. However, she won't do a vbac.

My prenatal care was truly horrific with Henry. I'm still mentally scarred from his birth. It wasn't just the birthing process that was bad with him, it was nearly every visit to the midwife that was awful. It culminated with my midwife not returning pages from the nursing staff when I was in labor. If I ever see that woman again, I might end up in jail.

So with that in mind, sticking with my current ob has many attractive qualities. The biggest one for me is summed up in what the nurse said to me yesterday upon trying to find my c-section scar: "you could still be a topless dancer!" She did a magnificent job stitching me back up.

Sure I'm vain. Got a problem with that?

Even with all of the factors in her favor, the thought of going into surgery again makes me shudder with dread.

I can either continue my care with my current ob and have another c-section or I can find another doctor who will let me try a vaginal birth but I might still end up with another c-section.

The recovery from my previous one was awful. Two weeks on vicodin, two days in the hospital, trying to get used to having a baby during all that is something I don't care to repeat, especially while dealing with an almost two year old too.

I have a lot to think about.

Woohoo! I'm back!

So it must be true...I am pregnant again! It's still too early to announce it, so if you know me and you see me in public, don't ask about it just in case I miscarry. I'd hate to get all emotional if this pregnancy doesn't stick and someone asks me how it's going. I'm sure you'd want to avoid that situation too.

Okay, enough with the depressing part!

I stopped taking my low dose birth control pills in mid-July, then a couple weeks later I noticed a telltale stringy discharge not unlike what it's supposed to look like when I'm ovulating. That night I took advantage of my husband and something must have gone right because I'm pregnant already! I only had one weird three week period in there and I'm not quite sure when it was, but a couple weeks ago I had some spotting which might have been the egg implanting on my uterine wall. Five days later I peed on a stick, handed it to Mr. Spouse while I cleaned myself up and he got to see the results before I did! He was so excited!

So far my symptoms have been mild. Big mood swings, occasional panic attacks (not really panic attacks, but for me they're pretty bad), extreme thirst, entertaining gas, skin darkening on the face (dammit), sleeping A LOT, and a little bit of nausea. I've been a little worried that I'm not pregnant after all because my symptoms this time are so different from last time at this stage, but then last night I read my pregnancy book and my symptoms are pretty standard.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare. That's something I missed with the last pregnancy. I hope this doesn't become a regular thing because I had to get up and distract myself for an hour. I won't go into detail, but basically Henry drowned in the bathtub in my nightmare. I hope to Christ I never have another dream like that. I count my lucky stars every day that I rarely remember my dreams when one like this comes up.

So my big challenge during this pregnancy is continuing nursing Henry. I'm going to have to watch my diet because feeding my son, building a new organ and a new person while maintaining my own body is going to be a huge task. Hopefully this time I don't gain sixty pounds, that extra weight didn't make anything any easier towards the end.

I was just reading on one of my breastfeeding communities that some women had their colostrum come in as early as twelve weeks, and as a result their breastfeeding kids had horrendous diapers. Apparently it's a laxative. Super duper. I don't want to stop nursing Henry until he decides its time. He really loves it and I like that he's getting the nutrition.

I guess there's no sense in worrying about it now, I'll just take it as it comes. Worry never solves anything!

We have our first doctor's appointment today, we get to figure out how far along I am. I think I'm at seven weeks, judging by that spotting!

OMG I am so bored. Yesterday was my due date and this waiting is getting real old! I had a high blood pressure scare a week and a half ago, but fortunately that passed and things are back to normal. My midwife threatened to induce me if it didn't get lower, so I started napping in the afternoons and avoiding as much conflict as I could and it worked! Now I'll only get induced if I'm still pregnant next week, and I sure hope it doesn't come to that!

Last night Mr. Spouse and I went out for spicy Thai food hoping that would move things along. I felt a lot of activity until I had some rice pudding with condensed milk to cool things off! I brought home some more hot spicy, so maybe I'll try again at lunch today.

My midwife told me to try a few capsules of evening primrose oil in an Instead cup every night, and lots and lots of sex to help push things along. I never thought sex would be such a chore, but it has been. What a drag.

So. Tired.

I cannot sleep anymore. I had a nice long stretch where I was sleeping very well, but that's been over for about a week and a half. If I sleep on my left side my hip hurts. If I sleep on my right side my shoulder hurts. If I sleep on my back I crush my organs and stop blood flow to my legs.

This morning I woke up and my edema from yesterday had not subsided. I woke up every two hours to pee and change position, which wakes me up sufficiently to keep me from falling back asleep for a while. Last night I had a nice two hour nap where I slept so soundly that I didn't hear the phone ring twice, even though it was merely three feet from my head. Of course I woke up and couldn't move my arm.

I'd go sit in the hot tub but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep.

40 weeks

Weeks 12-40

Mr. Spouse and I went to the midwife today and it was just thrilling. I was really happy because we actually got to see one of the midwives that's been there since I started going in December or whenever it was, so I felt like I was getting better care. The last two midwives I've seen were not altogether sure of the procedures of the office, and now is not really the time for me to be seeing inexperienced midwives, as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, they're experienced as midwives, just not experienced with this office!

She said my son has a bony butt and I have a lot of amniotic fluid. No one has told me that before, but I guess I already knew it since that bony butt is constantly pushing itself into my ribcage and my belly is absolutely HUGE and taught! I don't pee much anymore it seems, it all goes to my womb, bloated feet, ankles, calves, and hands. The only time my boating isn't horrid is when I'm dehydrated!

Did I mention I'm anxious to give birth and meet this boy growing inside me?

The midwife told me that I'm still not dilated at all but my cervix has started effacing. She said it was about 2 cm thick, as opposed to a normal 3. I'm just glad that something has started! I just read somewhere that in first time mothers it's normal for effacement to start before dilation so I guess things are going normally. Braxton Hicks contractions have slowed down a lot today, regardless of the fact that we've had sex three times. The midwife suggested I try evening primrose oil in an instead cup overnight to help with the dilation, in addition to making lots of bunnies. Hopefully that will work. I tell ya, sex is a lot of hard work right now...

She also gave me the number for an acupuncturist, so I'll probably make an appointment for next week and cancel it if things start moving along on their own beforehand. I'm trying really hard not to get cranky, but it's really hard.

Whine...

I have to go to a big dinner for my husband's work tonight. I am so tired of people talking to the pregnant lady I can't even begin to tell you. Why is it that every awkward person on the planet comes over to talk to the pregnant lady?

Yesterday I was at the thrift store and these three ladies were like, "OMG WHEN ARE YOU DUE? LIKE YESTERDAY?!" Then they held me up for five minutes asking me how much weight I gained, if it's a boy or girl (they didn't even let me answer that, they guessed it for me), told me how much they gained, expressed envy and confessed they could only have one, on and on and on...

I try to be nice to these people, after all, being pregnant totally rocks and I love it even though I complain a lot. I totally understand why they want to talk to me and reminisce about their own pregnancies and share their experience. They think they're being helpful when they offer their advice and stories, and they get to think about how much fun (or not) they had with their own prenatal experiences.

Sure, it's invasive of people to corner me for their own memory fest and I resent it. However, I realize I'm just a foil for a lot of them and that's no reason to be mean, which would only stress me out more. It's just that all this attention makes me feel pretty antisocial. I miss being anonymous.

I would really like to take a nice warm bath right now, but I know if I did I'd fall asleep in the tub. I did that when we were in Milan in April. It was great being able to take naps in the afternoon while we were there, but now I just can't seem to relax enough to nap. Something about being at home where there's so much to do makes it super hard to get any naptime in!

But napping in a full bathtub, scary!

Procrastination, or denial?

I still haven't packed my hospital bag or written my birth plan. I just don't know where to begin with either of these things! I feel like when I pack my bag I won't know what to put in it anyway, so why bother? And the birth plan is simple: bring me a healthy baby, let my mom catch the baby and let my husband cut the cord.

Then there are some lesser things I'd like to go by, like as little intervention as possible.

I have 15 days until my due date.

Love!

Oh boy, nothing says love like hours of a tiny butt in the ribcage!

Time

Time is really getting away from me nowadays. Today I am officially at thirty-eight weeks!

Yesterday I bought a couple nursing bras. Nordstrom didn't even carry my size, which is a first! My whole life I've turned to Nordstrom for my breast support needs, and I feel bereft (and freakish) that they can't help me now. I'm a 36G, and they don't even carry that size in nursing bras. I ended up finding a sleeping bra and a daytime nursing bra at Birth and Beyond, but wouldn't you know, the sleeping bra isn't supportive enough and the underwires in the other one poke me in the armpit, causing pain.

I wore the daytime bra while trying my new breast pump this morning, which was a lovely gift from my last shower! It makes a beeping sound that the dog gets very anxious about...I'm sure it will be charming when it comes time to actually use the pump for real. So I was sitting there in my chair trying to have a serene breast pumping moment while my dog ran around the room in circles whining. Charming.

I've got quite a few recent changes that I'm both stoked and dismayed by, and I think they're mostly because the baby has dropped. I'm having trouble sleeping at night now because I constantly need to get up to pee, my stretch marks are in alarming vivid color as of yesterday, the edema in my ankles seems to have gone down a bit, and I can actually walk around as long as the baby's not settled on my bladder, making me need to pee. In the morning I wake up and he's usually crosswise in my uterus, which is quite uncomfortable but he generally moves back to head down position after I'm vertical for a bit. He moves around so much that I'm a little concerned he's getting the umbilical cord all tangled around him!

As for the millions of house projects we've got going on around here, the contractor has completely fucked up our kitchen floors and I'm hoping he won't try coming to the house again. He likes to show up unannounced. I don't think he's used to working INSIDE people's homes. Of course now we have lots more little projects, like finishing painting in the Man Room, and we need to paint the new cabinet in the kitchen as well. We had some new windows installed this week so now we need to get someone to come over and paint them and the new trim as well. They did a nice job!

And we still haven't found anyone to take care of the rotten wall in the nursery, so we can't paint the room yet. sigh...

Every day for the last week I've sat exhausted in front of the computer, feeling guilty for not working on the house more. There's still just so much to do, and now my mom is here and she says she'll take care of the rest of the painting, but I feel guilty putting my mom to work!! I need to learn to accept help when it's offered, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon.

Daily Affirmation

I've been bitching an awful lot about all of the hellish side effects of this pregnancy, and just last night my sister-in-law was saying that I've had pretty much all of the bad ones you read about. That got me thinking...

I still think I've been pretty lucky.

Sure, I've got some bad physical side effects from this pregnancy, but all in all, I think I've come through the process really well. I don't have any serious complications. No high blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, the baby isn't breech (although he's moving around a lot so I'm not holding my breath!), I'm not super moody, I still have a high energy level, I sleep like the dead (for an hour at a time), and most important, I have the support and encouragement of my friends, family and my extraordinary husband. Not to mention the fact that according to others this pregnancy is making me glow, which doesn't happen with every pregnancy.

So I can bitch about my vanity and how scarred for life I am by this process, but overall I am thrilled to bits that this pregnancy is going as smoothly as it is.

Full Term!

I made the grand error of writing my dad an email saying that I would be considered full term this week, without any explanation. A few days later I got a panicked email from my mom (cc'd to my brother, sister-in-law, and husband) saying she's changing all her plans next week so that she'll be available for the birth. My sister-in-law even canceled her plans to visit her grandmother in Spokane because my mom said she wouldn't be available to watch my nephew Zachary!

I am such an ass.

I will be 37 weeks this week. According to my pregnancy book, that is considered full term. So is 42 weeks. I explained to my mom in a hastily written email that "full term" just means that if the baby is born after this point that he won't be considered premature. This doesn't mean that he's early, in fact I bet he's going take after his mother and stay in there as long as possible just to be obtuse.

I don't think I was late, but I sure was obtuse!

Poor Mom, I got her all excited for no reason. She said she's been jumping around the house all distracted. I feel like such a heel!

Not. Happy.

I had to wake up far too early today, and my fingers are numb. This damn bloating has given me a terrible case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

The good news is that a week from now I will be considered full term. I can hardly believe it. There's still so much I need to do, like we need to find someone to paint the house and fix the soft spot in the wall of the nursery!

I hope to god I don't go past my due date, I just don't think I could handle it. I barely slept last night because I just couldn't get comfortable, then I had to let the contractors in at nine this morning. Sure, that doesn't seem early to most, but I'm sleeping eleven hours these days, I am just beat.

I have stretch marks above my belly button now, and my hemorrhoids haven't gotten any better either.

bitchy.

I haven't posted here in a while because being the eternal optimist, it's hard for me to write about stuff when I'm not all happy all the time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to almost be a mother and I'm still really excited to be pregnant, but this third trimester is KICKING MY ASS!!

This morning I decided I needed to spend some quality time in bed relaxing since I didn't sleep more than two hours at a stretch before getting up to pee last night. I stayed in bed until 1pm, when my back hurt so much from laying down that I had to get up. In the meantime, I forgot that I had lunch plans with my friend, so we rescheduled for coffee later this afternoon.

I have hemorrhoids worse than I ever thought possible. Good thing I like prunes so much. I also noticed some brand spankin' new stretch marks that weren't there yesterday, so that's pretty exciting!

I picked off three skin tags last night. It's so weird that I've never had a skin tag until I got pregnant and now I have a ton. Good thing they're so easy to remove!

Good thing feeling the baby move inside me is so delightful. He's getting so strong that sometimes he kicks hard enough to make me yell. I think he changed positions yesterday too.

I'm cutting down on my social engagements, which is fantastic. I've been having a hard time remembering them, then I do too much and get exhausted, but then at night I'm too hyper to fall asleep, and I can't sleep more than two hours at a time anyway. It's like I sleep better during the day when I'm dehydrated or something!!

I'm still seeing Marie from http://girlfag.blogspot.com/ every Friday afternoon. She calls me her muse! I've always wanted to be someone's muse! You can see some of her paintings, photos and sketches of me in her blog. I'm quite flattered that I'm such an inspiration for her, and I'm enamored with more than a couple pieces she's done of me!

Ok, I need to get my act together, it's almost 2:30 and I need to meet my friend for coffee!

movement

The baby has moved. Last week when I was at the midwife's office she confirmed that he was all in place, head down, back to my left and arms and legs kicking to my right. However, I could feel over the last two days that he's moved. Now I feel movement from the top to the bottom of my uterus, left to right. It's like somehow he's moving his hands and feet in all quadrants of my uterus! I can't even tell where his head is anymore.

It's quite unnerving.

Tomorrow the hot tub guy comes to fix the damn thing again. I forgot to empty the water out of it until 9:30 tonight, so we had to do that and it's still draining three hours later! Tomorrow morning I have to get up and fill the fucker up again so it's ready when he gets here at 10. It will be lovely having it up and running again. I'm setting that thing at 98 degrees and making good use of it until my water breaks!!