My period started today. I was at work when it started, and I ran to the bathroom and cried while I cleaned myself up. I'm currently working overhire in a union costume shop so it's hard to take an extended break like I did today. I worried that I wouldn't have time to subdue my puffy eyes before returning to my tailoring but I shouldn't have worried. I just kept my eyes on the collar I was working on, cast downward in my lap, pricking my fingers over and over in rhythm.
At lunch I called my husband and suggested we go to our favorite bar for drinks tonight. It's like turning a cause for weeping into cause for celebration, going to the Zig Zag. Murray fixed me a couple of outstanding cocktails and made me feel downright civilized. I loves me a good cocktail but I've decided that I won't drink any alchohol during my first trimester regardless of what all my European friends say, and that makes it hard since I seem to be on a six week cycle. I drink whatever I want for two weeks as if I were on a regular four week schedule even though I probably ovulate four weeks after my period starts. I've never been good about keeping track of my periods so I worry that I may be mistaken about my odd cycle. I should really buy stock in pregnancy tests. I took three in the past week and a half.
Cocktails or not, the buzz I got tonight is bittersweet. I'm very disappointed I'm not pregnant. I've been wanting a family for a long time, and it's hard to be patient now that I've found the perfect father for my child, and he's just as anxious as me to start a family. We're going to be great parents someday. Even if we never conceive a child, we'll adopt and be great parents!
That's the thing about me. I may get blue on occasion but it never sticks for long.
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