OMG I am so bored. Yesterday was my due date and this waiting is getting real old! I had a high blood pressure scare a week and a half ago, but fortunately that passed and things are back to normal. My midwife threatened to induce me if it didn't get lower, so I started napping in the afternoons and avoiding as much conflict as I could and it worked! Now I'll only get induced if I'm still pregnant next week, and I sure hope it doesn't come to that!

Last night Mr. Spouse and I went out for spicy Thai food hoping that would move things along. I felt a lot of activity until I had some rice pudding with condensed milk to cool things off! I brought home some more hot spicy, so maybe I'll try again at lunch today.

My midwife told me to try a few capsules of evening primrose oil in an Instead cup every night, and lots and lots of sex to help push things along. I never thought sex would be such a chore, but it has been. What a drag.

So. Tired.

I cannot sleep anymore. I had a nice long stretch where I was sleeping very well, but that's been over for about a week and a half. If I sleep on my left side my hip hurts. If I sleep on my right side my shoulder hurts. If I sleep on my back I crush my organs and stop blood flow to my legs.

This morning I woke up and my edema from yesterday had not subsided. I woke up every two hours to pee and change position, which wakes me up sufficiently to keep me from falling back asleep for a while. Last night I had a nice two hour nap where I slept so soundly that I didn't hear the phone ring twice, even though it was merely three feet from my head. Of course I woke up and couldn't move my arm.

I'd go sit in the hot tub but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep.

40 weeks

Weeks 12-40

Mr. Spouse and I went to the midwife today and it was just thrilling. I was really happy because we actually got to see one of the midwives that's been there since I started going in December or whenever it was, so I felt like I was getting better care. The last two midwives I've seen were not altogether sure of the procedures of the office, and now is not really the time for me to be seeing inexperienced midwives, as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, they're experienced as midwives, just not experienced with this office!

She said my son has a bony butt and I have a lot of amniotic fluid. No one has told me that before, but I guess I already knew it since that bony butt is constantly pushing itself into my ribcage and my belly is absolutely HUGE and taught! I don't pee much anymore it seems, it all goes to my womb, bloated feet, ankles, calves, and hands. The only time my boating isn't horrid is when I'm dehydrated!

Did I mention I'm anxious to give birth and meet this boy growing inside me?

The midwife told me that I'm still not dilated at all but my cervix has started effacing. She said it was about 2 cm thick, as opposed to a normal 3. I'm just glad that something has started! I just read somewhere that in first time mothers it's normal for effacement to start before dilation so I guess things are going normally. Braxton Hicks contractions have slowed down a lot today, regardless of the fact that we've had sex three times. The midwife suggested I try evening primrose oil in an instead cup overnight to help with the dilation, in addition to making lots of bunnies. Hopefully that will work. I tell ya, sex is a lot of hard work right now...

She also gave me the number for an acupuncturist, so I'll probably make an appointment for next week and cancel it if things start moving along on their own beforehand. I'm trying really hard not to get cranky, but it's really hard.

Whine...

I have to go to a big dinner for my husband's work tonight. I am so tired of people talking to the pregnant lady I can't even begin to tell you. Why is it that every awkward person on the planet comes over to talk to the pregnant lady?

Yesterday I was at the thrift store and these three ladies were like, "OMG WHEN ARE YOU DUE? LIKE YESTERDAY?!" Then they held me up for five minutes asking me how much weight I gained, if it's a boy or girl (they didn't even let me answer that, they guessed it for me), told me how much they gained, expressed envy and confessed they could only have one, on and on and on...

I try to be nice to these people, after all, being pregnant totally rocks and I love it even though I complain a lot. I totally understand why they want to talk to me and reminisce about their own pregnancies and share their experience. They think they're being helpful when they offer their advice and stories, and they get to think about how much fun (or not) they had with their own prenatal experiences.

Sure, it's invasive of people to corner me for their own memory fest and I resent it. However, I realize I'm just a foil for a lot of them and that's no reason to be mean, which would only stress me out more. It's just that all this attention makes me feel pretty antisocial. I miss being anonymous.

I would really like to take a nice warm bath right now, but I know if I did I'd fall asleep in the tub. I did that when we were in Milan in April. It was great being able to take naps in the afternoon while we were there, but now I just can't seem to relax enough to nap. Something about being at home where there's so much to do makes it super hard to get any naptime in!

But napping in a full bathtub, scary!

Procrastination, or denial?

I still haven't packed my hospital bag or written my birth plan. I just don't know where to begin with either of these things! I feel like when I pack my bag I won't know what to put in it anyway, so why bother? And the birth plan is simple: bring me a healthy baby, let my mom catch the baby and let my husband cut the cord.

Then there are some lesser things I'd like to go by, like as little intervention as possible.

I have 15 days until my due date.

Love!

Oh boy, nothing says love like hours of a tiny butt in the ribcage!

Time

Time is really getting away from me nowadays. Today I am officially at thirty-eight weeks!

Yesterday I bought a couple nursing bras. Nordstrom didn't even carry my size, which is a first! My whole life I've turned to Nordstrom for my breast support needs, and I feel bereft (and freakish) that they can't help me now. I'm a 36G, and they don't even carry that size in nursing bras. I ended up finding a sleeping bra and a daytime nursing bra at Birth and Beyond, but wouldn't you know, the sleeping bra isn't supportive enough and the underwires in the other one poke me in the armpit, causing pain.

I wore the daytime bra while trying my new breast pump this morning, which was a lovely gift from my last shower! It makes a beeping sound that the dog gets very anxious about...I'm sure it will be charming when it comes time to actually use the pump for real. So I was sitting there in my chair trying to have a serene breast pumping moment while my dog ran around the room in circles whining. Charming.

I've got quite a few recent changes that I'm both stoked and dismayed by, and I think they're mostly because the baby has dropped. I'm having trouble sleeping at night now because I constantly need to get up to pee, my stretch marks are in alarming vivid color as of yesterday, the edema in my ankles seems to have gone down a bit, and I can actually walk around as long as the baby's not settled on my bladder, making me need to pee. In the morning I wake up and he's usually crosswise in my uterus, which is quite uncomfortable but he generally moves back to head down position after I'm vertical for a bit. He moves around so much that I'm a little concerned he's getting the umbilical cord all tangled around him!

As for the millions of house projects we've got going on around here, the contractor has completely fucked up our kitchen floors and I'm hoping he won't try coming to the house again. He likes to show up unannounced. I don't think he's used to working INSIDE people's homes. Of course now we have lots more little projects, like finishing painting in the Man Room, and we need to paint the new cabinet in the kitchen as well. We had some new windows installed this week so now we need to get someone to come over and paint them and the new trim as well. They did a nice job!

And we still haven't found anyone to take care of the rotten wall in the nursery, so we can't paint the room yet. sigh...

Every day for the last week I've sat exhausted in front of the computer, feeling guilty for not working on the house more. There's still just so much to do, and now my mom is here and she says she'll take care of the rest of the painting, but I feel guilty putting my mom to work!! I need to learn to accept help when it's offered, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon.

Daily Affirmation

I've been bitching an awful lot about all of the hellish side effects of this pregnancy, and just last night my sister-in-law was saying that I've had pretty much all of the bad ones you read about. That got me thinking...

I still think I've been pretty lucky.

Sure, I've got some bad physical side effects from this pregnancy, but all in all, I think I've come through the process really well. I don't have any serious complications. No high blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, the baby isn't breech (although he's moving around a lot so I'm not holding my breath!), I'm not super moody, I still have a high energy level, I sleep like the dead (for an hour at a time), and most important, I have the support and encouragement of my friends, family and my extraordinary husband. Not to mention the fact that according to others this pregnancy is making me glow, which doesn't happen with every pregnancy.

So I can bitch about my vanity and how scarred for life I am by this process, but overall I am thrilled to bits that this pregnancy is going as smoothly as it is.

Full Term!

I made the grand error of writing my dad an email saying that I would be considered full term this week, without any explanation. A few days later I got a panicked email from my mom (cc'd to my brother, sister-in-law, and husband) saying she's changing all her plans next week so that she'll be available for the birth. My sister-in-law even canceled her plans to visit her grandmother in Spokane because my mom said she wouldn't be available to watch my nephew Zachary!

I am such an ass.

I will be 37 weeks this week. According to my pregnancy book, that is considered full term. So is 42 weeks. I explained to my mom in a hastily written email that "full term" just means that if the baby is born after this point that he won't be considered premature. This doesn't mean that he's early, in fact I bet he's going take after his mother and stay in there as long as possible just to be obtuse.

I don't think I was late, but I sure was obtuse!

Poor Mom, I got her all excited for no reason. She said she's been jumping around the house all distracted. I feel like such a heel!

Not. Happy.

I had to wake up far too early today, and my fingers are numb. This damn bloating has given me a terrible case of carpal tunnel syndrome.

The good news is that a week from now I will be considered full term. I can hardly believe it. There's still so much I need to do, like we need to find someone to paint the house and fix the soft spot in the wall of the nursery!

I hope to god I don't go past my due date, I just don't think I could handle it. I barely slept last night because I just couldn't get comfortable, then I had to let the contractors in at nine this morning. Sure, that doesn't seem early to most, but I'm sleeping eleven hours these days, I am just beat.

I have stretch marks above my belly button now, and my hemorrhoids haven't gotten any better either.

bitchy.

I haven't posted here in a while because being the eternal optimist, it's hard for me to write about stuff when I'm not all happy all the time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to almost be a mother and I'm still really excited to be pregnant, but this third trimester is KICKING MY ASS!!

This morning I decided I needed to spend some quality time in bed relaxing since I didn't sleep more than two hours at a stretch before getting up to pee last night. I stayed in bed until 1pm, when my back hurt so much from laying down that I had to get up. In the meantime, I forgot that I had lunch plans with my friend, so we rescheduled for coffee later this afternoon.

I have hemorrhoids worse than I ever thought possible. Good thing I like prunes so much. I also noticed some brand spankin' new stretch marks that weren't there yesterday, so that's pretty exciting!

I picked off three skin tags last night. It's so weird that I've never had a skin tag until I got pregnant and now I have a ton. Good thing they're so easy to remove!

Good thing feeling the baby move inside me is so delightful. He's getting so strong that sometimes he kicks hard enough to make me yell. I think he changed positions yesterday too.

I'm cutting down on my social engagements, which is fantastic. I've been having a hard time remembering them, then I do too much and get exhausted, but then at night I'm too hyper to fall asleep, and I can't sleep more than two hours at a time anyway. It's like I sleep better during the day when I'm dehydrated or something!!

I'm still seeing Marie from http://girlfag.blogspot.com/ every Friday afternoon. She calls me her muse! I've always wanted to be someone's muse! You can see some of her paintings, photos and sketches of me in her blog. I'm quite flattered that I'm such an inspiration for her, and I'm enamored with more than a couple pieces she's done of me!

Ok, I need to get my act together, it's almost 2:30 and I need to meet my friend for coffee!

movement

The baby has moved. Last week when I was at the midwife's office she confirmed that he was all in place, head down, back to my left and arms and legs kicking to my right. However, I could feel over the last two days that he's moved. Now I feel movement from the top to the bottom of my uterus, left to right. It's like somehow he's moving his hands and feet in all quadrants of my uterus! I can't even tell where his head is anymore.

It's quite unnerving.

Tomorrow the hot tub guy comes to fix the damn thing again. I forgot to empty the water out of it until 9:30 tonight, so we had to do that and it's still draining three hours later! Tomorrow morning I have to get up and fill the fucker up again so it's ready when he gets here at 10. It will be lovely having it up and running again. I'm setting that thing at 98 degrees and making good use of it until my water breaks!!

Holy cow! It's been six days since my last post!!

Here's a picture that Marie over at girlfag@blogspot.com took last Friday:


I'm feeling euphoric despite the edema, heartburn, acid reflux, gas, spider veins, back pain, hip pain, carpal tunnel syndrome, constipation, constant hunger, weight gain, massive thirst, and stretch marks! Really!

I am disappointed about the stretch marks. I was really hoping I'd avoid that part, but every time our son squirms in my belly it makes all the little annoyances worthwhile!

I took this day before yesterday, fist thing upon getting out of bed so the swelling in my ankles and feet wouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately that means the swelling in my face is worse!!

My third trimester is bringing all sorts of fun along with it. For instance, this morning I woke up at 7:30 but then at 9 decided to lay back down again because I was so tired. The dog's cries woke me up at 9:45 and I finally crawled out of bed at 10. Now it's 10:40 and I'm about ready to do a face plant into my keyboard. At least now I'm sleeping through the night.

I haven't seen my crotch in weeks. I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror a while ago and brought out the body trimmer to tame the forest, but I haven't the slightest idea if it looks any better. When I showed it to Mr. Spouse he promised me he'd fix it, so I must not have done a very good job! I have two nude photoshoots this weekend so I hope he can get to it by then.

I have pregnancy related carpal tunnel syndrome, I think. My fingers are so swollen that I couldn't get my wedding ring off for a long time. I finally got it off one night after a glass of wine numbed my pain receptors a little bit, but I have a permanent mark on my finger now. I can still wear it on my pinky though, so that's what I've been doing but it feels weird.

I've been trying to catch up on my list of phone calls that need to be made and so far I've confirmed the guy who's building our DVD shelves in the basement, doing the new sinks in the master bathroom and the new cabinet in the kitchen, called Wolfsburg to check up on my Volkswagen Fastback (they just started trying to figure out what parts are missing from the body shop yesterday), called and confirmed the roof and gutter guys, made an appointment with the hot tub guy, and somehow managed to stay in touch with a couple of my friends.

I'm exhausted. Now I gotta go drain and refill the hot tub before the hot tub guy gets here next week.

SO TIRED

Oh my hell, I am so tired I could pass out right here in my chair in front of the computer.

With all my bloating, tiredness, and now numb fingers, I've been worried that I might have preeclampsia, but after reading my handy-dandy Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy book I think I really just have some carpal tunnel syndrome, brought on by the swelling in my wrists and hands. My fingers are so swollen that I can't get my wedding band off anymore, which is bad because I'm sure that's going to be a problem pretty soon!!

I'm also pretty cranky because I can no longer garden. Leaning over to get my fingers in the dirt hurts my knees and my belly gets in the way, then when I grab a weed to pull it up I get a pinching sensation from my wrist all down my hand. Gardening is one of my relaxing activities and it's also a great work out for me, so the fact that I can't do it anymore is really disappointing, especially considering there is a giant fern frond sticking out of the top of one of my azaleas that's driving me crazy!

Tonight Mr. Spouse and I are celebrating our one year and nine month wedding anniversary. It was actually yesterday but we had our birthing class until late so we're celebrating tonight instead. We're going to Il Terrazzo Carmine! I'm so excited! Then afterwards we're going to the Zig Zag to see my favorite bartender and challenge him to make me a tasty non-alcoholic and non-carbonated grown up beverage! I haven't seen him since October and I miss him. I bet he suspects why we haven't been in though.

Cloth diapers

My husband and I signed up for a diaper service but I'm still looking into all the newgfangled cloth diapers on the market for ease of travel and honestly, because I keep finding super cute fabric at the fabric store. I don't get all the cloth diaper lingo and all the different types of convenient waste management options for babies these days.

This isn't my mother's diapering world anymore! I feel like I need a book for a guideline!

So I have a bunch of super cute flannel for making diapers. Then I saw some super cute polyurethane coated fabric for covers, but why would any mother want that crap next to her child's skin? And whatever happened to those good old fashioned diapers with the pins? I totally see why so many parents resort to disposables! There are just too many options out there for cloth diapers!!

Crap. I think I need to buy a home serger so I can do those cute skinny serged edges on everything.

My pregnant friend sent this to me this morning. It's good to make light of the situation!!

Five things you never thought you'd say
• "Let me just finish this can of frosting."
• "Would you mind tying my shoes?"
• "Does my stomach look too small to you?"
• "Can you please massage my perineum again?"
• "Help, I can't get out of bed."

Uncomfortable but in good spirits

Overall I think this pregnancy has been going very well. I'm certainly not comfortable these days, but things could be a lot worse, especially considering I got rear-ended last week. My pregnant friend and I were on our way to lunch and this woman in a BMW SUV rear ended us. I think she probably wet her pants when she saw not one but TWO third trimester ladies get out of the car. That poor lady was a wreck, just like my adored yella Jetta.

Fortunately my friend and I are just stiff and our babies seem to be just fine, but the lady who hit us had just sent her son to Iraq the day before. She phoned the night of the accident to check up on me and confessed that she probably shouldn't have been driving that day. It kind of hurts me to think about how she must be feeling because since I'm having a boy, I might one day be in the same situation as her. I support our boys in uniform and all, but I think this war is a pointless waste of lives, and I just wanted to give that poor lady a hug when she told me. I hope he'll be okay.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the accident, but my hips and knees are in bad shape these days! My softening ligaments are making everything I do a nuisance. It hurts to sit in front of the computer too long. It hurts to lay on my side too long. It hurts to walk. It hurts to weed the garden. It hurts to get out of the lounger in the yard!

Forget acid reflux and gas pain, my joints hurt way worse than my other ailments right now!

Mr. Spouse and I started doing perineal massage the other night and that's fairly uncomfortable. The other night when I woke up in the middle of the night with a seized up back he massaged it with my handy dandy um..."massager" for twenty minutes. Thank God I haven't had that pain again!!

I think I might take some more self portraits tomorrow, we'll see how the light looks. I'm tired of taking boring snapshots!

A full night's rest!!!

Last night I slept a full seven hours, uninterrupted! It's been weeks and weeks since I've been able to do that! And I'm even getting over a cold! I can hardly believe it, it's like a dream come true!

I blame our new purchase:


I had been reading about how humidifiers help with sleep but for some reason I put off getting one for too dang long. I've had a cold for the last five days, and I'd wake up in the morning blowing my nose so hard it would bleed. We finally went to Target and got this cute little guy and it made such a huge difference!

I didn't need to wake up to drink more water once all night, which translated to not having to get up to pee once all night! Maybe this third trimester won't be so bad after all!